I asked our lawyer question.

Your H would "have first dibs" on the OC. There is no way the OW's family would be able to win if your H wanted to raise his child, unless of course your H would put the child in harm's way.

The OW in our case told my H, she put in her will that her brother would raise the OC and her son from her ex (she did not want the two kids split up), but the lawyer said, that's not up to her. She can put it in her will, but if my H wanted to take his child to raise, he would have the right to it.

Now, if your H did not want to raise his child, he could give up that right and allow a family member to raise him/her. The court would not "make your H" raise his child if family members wanted to.

I meant *father in the original post not "establish that your H is the husband" as it reads (I'm sure most got that though) :)

Thanks Grace! I wasn't sure if we'd be forced to raise the child. I wonder what my H would do. Hmmm

In my state, the father of an illegitimate child does not have any legal rights to the child, unless he goes through the legitimization process. He is only required to pay CS. His name is not on the birth certificate, nor does the OC have his last name. In the awful event she were to expire, he would more than likely be placed with her family. My husband would have to take them to court IF he wanted custody.

Hurt-- is the legitimization process different than establishing paternity in your state?

When OW took H for child support they made him take a paternity test first and then at the court date to set the CS, they said that they will automatically update the birth certificate with his information (I assume they did...but it's not like he ever got a copy or has seen one so who knows). OC in our situation has OW's last name because she didn't know at the time of birth who the father was...the original birth certificate supposively lists no father.

We have contact and I to have had that thought. What if she died? I think I would support my husband's decision but let him do the leg work for whatever needs to be done.

I tried to tell H once that I had come to terms with everything and that if OW died tomorrow, it wouldn't kill me as much as I thought to bring OC here. But, in H's case, I guess it'd be like forcing a woman to keep the product of her rape. Some just cannot mentally handle it, and that's where he has so much instability.

A few days later, he told me that if OW died, the law here states that the OC would go to him first. He said he would make a deal with OW's family that they could have OC if they allowed him to fully relinquish his rights.

He talked in much detail. I suppose I made him truly think on it. :/

Yes, they are different. He only had to establish paternity when she filed for CS, that’s it. In order to obtain legal rights as a father in my state, you have to legitimize the child. If you were not married to the child’s mother when the child was born, without legitimization the father has no rights to the child. Without legitimization, the OC or baby momma cannot inherit from my H, nor can they have access to the medical history from his side of the family.

Hurt very interesting may I ask what state and exactly how and what is legitimize involve doing? I do not want this oc to be able to inherit anything either or have rights to anything to do with my family

Sure. Georgia.

http://www.fultoncourt.org/family/family-legitimation.php

you're lucky Hurt...I wish it worked the same way here. Unfortunately there's really no such thing as legitimate kids anymore. Once paternity is established the law considers OW's bastard the same as our children we wanted and tried for.

In our state, the child is immediately given a new birth certificate with H's name on it when paternity is established. I find this to be such bullshit because in our state, if the parents are not married and the father is not present at the hospithospital at the signing of the birth certificate, they will not put the father on it, nor will they give the child his last name.

Of course, Louisiana is infamous for having laws that contradict each other that way. e_e

Barefoot- that's how it works in my state too (Mass). When she took him to court part of the court order states that the birth certificate will be amended to add my H since the state ordered paternity test came back that he was the father. I asked him to ask the mediator if that was necessary if they could leave it off, but of course he didn't. OW looked mad when they said that, I don't think she really wanted him on there. We've never seen a copy of the birth certificate so I wonder how it gets amended and if it really happens (since there are thousands of cases per day anyways). OW has said that her new boyfriend has talked about adopting OC one day, I assume the kid will be issued another birth certificate then with the new guy on it? Poor kid will have 3 different birth certificates at that point. Talk about confusion!

When they amend a birth certificate, they have her turn over the original certificate and they reissue a new one that just includes the father's name, his age at the time the child would have been born, and his address at the time the child would have been born, as well as his city of birth.

Hmm I wonder how that ever worked out in OC's case. I can't see OW volunteering to hand over the birth certificate so that H could be added, and I know she had no paper work with her that day at court (she didn't even fill out the stuff they asked to be filled out a head of time). And other than cross referencing their database to look at his original birth certificate I don't know how they'd get his city of birth. OW knows nothing about his personal life.

Interesting...we're waiting to hear back from her on what she chooses to do. If she chooses to keep receiving CS then we are going to fight for visitation/custody just to make her life hell and in that case I'll have my H demand a copy of the birth certificate and OC's social security # just so she can be mad.

I'm now over hurt mode and in do anything to screw her over mode if she wants to keep messing with our money.

In my H's case, they obtained a copy of his birth certificate through state records and OW was ordered to bring the child's certificate to the courts to hand over. In this state, if she refused to put him on the certificate, she would have to make a case as to why, and it could jeopardize her beloved child support.

I met a woman today who paid for her child's clothes with a Child Support card. She told me in her home state (Ohio) they can only receive payments on the card and the card is barred from working in places like liquor stores. I said that sounded like a good thing, but she complained that she also cannot use the card for gas at gas stations or to pay utilities or rent. OW would die.