spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
Today parenting shared a story on their Facebook wall about a woman who found that her husband had been having an affair while she was pregnant. She didn't share any details and all the reader knows is that they are now divorced.
The point of her story is that she experienced "Post Traumatic Growth. "
I know that a lot of people don't know what it is and haven't heard of it and probably don't even believe in it. My therapist certainly did not.
The first time back to her office after my Dday (what does that even mean?) I walked in clutching his bible with a note that I had written him. It was tucked away in Corinthians. That is where the love note was written by Paul explaining what love is and is not. I know my husband hadn't the slightest clue what that was and he certainly didn't stuff it in there on that page on purpose.
I had written the note to him in a moment of peaceful clarity about the situation while we were separated. It was a not forgiving him and offering myself as a pillar for him to lean on while he found himself again. I knew he didn't cheat to hurt me so I knew that it was a really serious weakness and he needed my help.
Writing that note made it clear to me that none of the situation had anything to do with me. I set out to do the best for everyone, especially my husband and my children.
I am so happy to be who I am today. I was humbled in a way that most people will never experience. Instead of becoming defensive I asked why me, realized it wasn't about me, and set to make it better.
Humility lead to my growth. Finding strength in my weakest, most vulnerable state, made me grow. I experienced Post Traumatic Growth.
I hope you all can find a way to do the same.
(Although it's been incredibly difficult to make new friends because we operate on different levels of consciousness. )
The point of her story is that she experienced "Post Traumatic Growth. "
I know that a lot of people don't know what it is and haven't heard of it and probably don't even believe in it. My therapist certainly did not.
The first time back to her office after my Dday (what does that even mean?) I walked in clutching his bible with a note that I had written him. It was tucked away in Corinthians. That is where the love note was written by Paul explaining what love is and is not. I know my husband hadn't the slightest clue what that was and he certainly didn't stuff it in there on that page on purpose.
I had written the note to him in a moment of peaceful clarity about the situation while we were separated. It was a not forgiving him and offering myself as a pillar for him to lean on while he found himself again. I knew he didn't cheat to hurt me so I knew that it was a really serious weakness and he needed my help.
Writing that note made it clear to me that none of the situation had anything to do with me. I set out to do the best for everyone, especially my husband and my children.
I am so happy to be who I am today. I was humbled in a way that most people will never experience. Instead of becoming defensive I asked why me, realized it wasn't about me, and set to make it better.
Humility lead to my growth. Finding strength in my weakest, most vulnerable state, made me grow. I experienced Post Traumatic Growth.
I hope you all can find a way to do the same.
(Although it's been incredibly difficult to make new friends because we operate on different levels of consciousness. )
We don't all have to agree or operate from the same perspective but it works best if we respect that our choices are not "better than" or "the right way". They are "our way". I've seen it happen on every page in reference to infidelity. I'm sure I've been guilty of it myself. The idea that of what "I did" and the choices "I made" where something everyone should do.
However I learned very early in that each case is very different from crazy OW obsessed with destroying the family and bs, to victims of rape. I can't expect anyone to bring a crazy ow into their lives.
For me, the ow is not much of an interference and so contact with the oc is not really a problem. Other than he's a typical annoying 12 year old.
I'm very happy that you've had such growth and a deeper sense of spirituality. I believe I have explained both myself as well. I do believe that it is the tough times, that force us to learn more about ourselves.
Even though I feel superior to the old me it helps to be reminded that I'm no better than anyone else. We all have our choices and thought processes that affirm them.
I will occasionally read something on facebook that makes me want to lecture the author. I have to remember that we all have our own path and I'm definitely certain that in the future I will see an area where I went wrong.
I am happy, though. And I totally don't feel like I'm an assholes.
I wish more people would value the desire not to be an asshole.