spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
I recently had knee surgery, and through it all, X has come through for me. Spent day at hospital during surgery, bringing me ice, emptying my garbage and bringing me milk and Oreo cookies. :) Thinking back 30+ years ago to the heat of passion we experienced as young adults and not wanting to be apart one second to where we are now. Hard to pick a category for this. Where once was hot and seemingly endless passion there is now simply compassion between us. I can only compare it to a farmer putting his favorite horse out to pasture. What once was strong and alive is now to be pitied. Through all the love and heartache X and I still care greatly about each other and the love that is there between us is real and immovable; like dust on an old bottle of wine. Underneath the film is a foundation for love that no person can remove. I still don't understand why this OW had to come between us only to be pushed aside by X as used garbage in an alley. I still pray for X every day as though he still belonged to me. Moving on to a new mate seems futile and a waste of time and energy I would rather be spending on my X. I can only try to move on and find a different love but none the less love to help my heart heal and transform into something new
Either way I hope you get what you want and need. Don't give up on love and having a loving romantic relationship wether with your x or somebody new. You are newly divorced from what I remember and it takes time to embrace that.
As far as I know, my ex didn't cheat on me sexually when we were married, but did after we reunited last May. But I felt cheated on in several other ways when I felt he let me and or our kids down in major ways over the years. He could say the same about me. My point is that the past isn't what we should focus on, even if there are reminders such as OC. If we loved our spouses enough to get married in the first place and vice versa, then we have the chance to move forward as a couple if that's what we both want, especially if we have children with them. My SO, (ex-spouse) fills needs that could never be met by someone else as I have learned from being divorced for a few years, so here I am.
Whatever path you follow, I wish the best for you.
Ann