Even with shared parenting, your husband will still be required to pay. I believe it's reduced but he'll have to pay her something every month.

If the child is your husbands, she cannot keep him from the baby. He can file for joint custody. That means you will be a step parent to this child. A lot of OW don't like that situation at all. She could make it her mission to make things very difficult for your husband. If it's something that you both can work through together and you can open your heart to the OC, then go for it! If you only want the OC in your life to drive the OW nuts, then I would rethink the situation. In my situation I knew deep down that if I wanted my marriage to work and my family to stay together, the OC could not be a part of it. I would never be able to treat the OC like he should be treated. I never made my husband choose but I knew what the outcome would be if he decided to have contact. You can make it so you don't have to deal with the OW at all. Have it arranged through the courts for drop off and pick up of the OC. You'll never have to see the OW.

Stop paying her anything unless it goes through the courts. Your husband is not required to support her. Don't do it. She'll keep coming back for more. I would tell her not to contact either of you again until the OC is born and then it should all go through the courts.

Whatever you do in regards to the OC, do it together. Have a united front. I wish you the best of luck!

Since your are divorced you need to file for and have him agree to a large cs payment for any children your have.

Different states have different cs laws. The one who makes more money will be paying cs unless he finds a way for primary custody with her getting visitation.

I am the rate one here who has the oc in our lives. It is our normal and ie works. Is not shared custody. There is no agreement in writing but he sees his kid while he works since oc school is close to the job. We have him every Saturday into Sunday. We still pay 1000 a month. That was my H choice from day 1. Nothing is very ordered. He did take her to court to have his name put on bc once I found out (yeard after oc born). That day the judge informed her that my h has just as much right to oc as her and is she withholds child or leaves state or country with him (as she threatened) they would be legal repricutions.

We have baby moms drama sometimes but not much. I stay out of contact. She seems to hate the fact that her son comes to us.

We do have a lot in common except that your OW doesn't sound as trashy as ours, or delusional like ours. It sounds like you'll need a dna test, too. There's no telling who the baby daddy is when a woman gets preggers just to get paid or just to try to get her way.

How long ago did you and your hubs divorce?

I guess I'm worried if I say the OC cannot be part of our lives which would be my ultimate choice I feel like it might push him away and he will resent me for it. I have people telling me that's not fair to ask that the OC deserves a father etc so I don't know the right thing to do. I definitely demand a dna be done although he is confident it is his because she specifically asked him if she happened to accidently get pregnant if he would be ok with it. She got denied cs for her son and 2 months later gets pregnant. I have no problem with him supporting this child if it's his however I refuse to support her however but that's exactly what will be happening and there's nothing I can do about it. I already have cs and ss in place. AuntTAnn we divorced after 18 years in August of 2013 she got pregnant October 4th 2013. So I know that it's different cause we were divorced but still hard to accept especially when he was still trying to get me back. We have agreed no further contact till OC is here and dna is done. However he told me he feels bad for her because he lied to her telling her he was ready to move on so makes me worry if it is his that will continue. Thank you everyone for this advise I'm really struggling with how and if I can handle this.

Bringing oc into your life is not easy. But the fact that it will be from day 1 for you it might be easier. You can read my public journals to get an idea of my story.

You don't have to make it black or white. If it's too hard to meet oc you could have the visitations set up so your not involved. I went very slowly. I knew the if I wanted my marriage the oc was part of my h life. I took over a year to ease into being part of it all.

The pace and level of involvement you have is up to you.

This situation affects everybody differently.

50/50 custody is not a bad idea. I whish my H was up for it so that i didnt feel like she has him by the balls. I feel like my H keeps the peace so that she doesnt pick up and take oc away from him. They have DNA only. Never whent to court nor established anything official. That leaves a lot of gray area and you are gonna have to put up with kid anyway so why not make official. And H would pay less.