spouses and illegitimate children Community Group

Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.

76 Members
672 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ spouses and illegitimate children Support Group

One month update since OC born

Lola06
Lola06
Well, about three weeks after the OC was born the OW sent a pic of the baby to my H. I had seen pictures earlier due to research on my part on FB. OW actually sent a text saying "Hope all is well." first. H did not reply and then an hour later she sent a pic of the baby. He again did not reply. He shows me the any communication from her. When she contacts him, this rage just takes over. We end up fighting for a couple of days over everything. Its just like she peels away the scab and doesn't even know it.

H says that I am letting her control me/us.. . . and he is right, but at the same time I feel like he can't give me advice on how to handle the situation cause he caused it.

Another thing I struggle with is that when H and I are good, he has talks about having a baby. Im all for it, but then Im like what------??? Your ex-mistress just gave birth and now you want us to get pregnant??

I have a hard time understanding how he doesn't want involvement in the OC (granted, Im glad he doesn't) and how the OW is ok with him not wanting to be involved. I guess before I found out about the pregnancy they both agreed he wasn't going to be involved. I dont feel like I should be the one responsible that the OC has her biological father in her life. If the mom and "sperm donor" aren't concerned with it, why am I??

I guess thats just what Im thinking lately.

H and I are starting couples counseling this month and Im excited. I just want my old life back.
mommytojack
mommytojack
you have a lot of the same feelings I have. I keep asking my H how he feels about not having anything to do with his OC....he just keeps his stance of "my family I wanted and planned mean way too much to me to loose. He feels since he was never told until after the OC was born its not fair. Plus she want NC of any kind. It is hard but selfishly I will have to admit it makes me feel better. He feels he was a sperm donor too-tricked and taken advantage of during a weak time in his life. Anyway, All I can say is that I am about to reach 3 yrs out and it has gotten better-but only by my H being so remorseful on a daily basis. My H says the same-don't let them control your life. He has to remind me of this everyday when I get down. He says he has chosen to not let them control his life. My H has no interest in the OC. Says its just not fair to me and our son. We will see how that goes when the boy comes looking -I sure this will happen unless he finds someone to be a father to him. Hopefully she will do this. I just keep praying that she finds a father for him or some sort of father figure. I do feel for the child but my son comes first!
mommytojack
mommytojack
btw-hang in there-this is way too new and raw for you
dmdempse1
dmdempse1
After 5 years of dealing with this I have come to conclusion it is not the OC's fault. How would I feel if I or
one of my own were born into that same situation? Best case scenario is for the OW to keep a job and find a new husband. That is currently my biggest concern is that as long as she is single and in poverty, she is still messing and interested in H. Also, the mental health of H will suffer trying to live double life. All needs out in the open. We are stuck for eternity with the OW and OC. This is where we need to come together to protect the lives of children of marriages.