Where is everyone? I need response, positive or negative.

D
I agree that the pain for our children, our planned children, is the worst part with regard to these OC situatios. My children who are young adults have met the OC and have no interest in establishing a relationship with her. Maybe that would be different if the whore had let H bring her over to our house from Day 1, but she didn't, so who knows.

That had to be tough on your daughter. Has she said anything else since meeting him?

Jewel, Just that he didn't look anything like her dad. My ex-mother-in-law in her cold heart self even made comment she would like to see the DNA test. Thank you friends for responding. Love ya and prayers your way.

I have 4 kids who each have had different responsesto the oc. And each of them has had minor changes in how they are with and about the oc. In general they accept him.

My oldest seemed to be the most understanding, my youngest (same age as oc) really loves him and enjoys having him in his life, my daughter (2 years older than oc) finds him annoying (he is), my second oldest was the least interested abs still is. He was hurt, angry, and embarrasses during that first year after discovery (when oc was 7 and sin was 13 going on 14).

I've let each of my kids develope the level of relationship that they are comfortable with. Its not easy but if you can give your daughter permission (for lack of a better word) to get to know the oc without fearof betraying you or upsetting you, it might help.


I think our kids take their cue from us and how we are about the whole situation.

I recently experienced an emotional set back where I was triggering a 2. My youngest son was picking up in my need to take a break from the oc. He was clearly trying to find that space between wanting to see his brother and not upsetting me.

A2 = a lot

Stillpink, with all due respect, my D is wise beyond her years. She doesn't need my permission to "FEEL". She's seen the drama of the OW first hand with a pistol to my baby's head. How accepting would you be as a pre-teen to have a gun put to your head asking where your daddy was? Is the OW's C worthy of acceptance with their M so psycho and criminally minded?

Sometimes I wonder if you are in the same universe as me and my sisters here.

"Me and my sisters"? We are all in this group for the same reason. I've been here for a long time. Many bs have passed through this board who have had similar set ups as me (in regards to having oc in their lives). You posted concerns over your daughter and her half brother. You did not post anything about the ow or a gun. I know the ow in your situation is a nut. I don't remember all of the details of her nuttiness but geeze why must you be so obnoxious to me?

I tried to respond based on what you seemed to be asking. I thought you were looking for various opinions and experiences with how children accepted the oc.

Your daughter has every right all on her own to resent the hell out of that oc. However, if there is any part of her that wants to let her guard down and see him as something other than the product of his crazy mother, that's ok too.

It seems the mere fact that I mention that pisses you off enough to be rude and condescending to me.

Bottom line, maybe she has zero desire but if she has even an ounce of curiosity, she may be holding back because she doesn't want to upset you. Not because you won't allow her (hence my saying "for lack of a better word") but for her not allowing herself. Her love and loyalty towards you may get in the way of considering getting to know him.

I don't know your daughter or her deepest thoughts but I'm offering my ideas, thoughts and advice based on my life's experience. Please respect that.

Thanks Pink. My D has a mind of her own which is the way I raised her. She likes who she likes and doesn't waste her time on people that cause her pain. She is not 2 anymore, but thanks for your input.

You said she doesn't know how to feel. That would imply that she's got some confusion or conflict. Clearly my imput has pissed you off. Sorry if I misunderstood what you were seeking.