My friend had something like that. Her H had a child from a fling when they were on and off dating. They fought to see child first 2years. Once they got married and were starting a family of their own he signed all rights over instead of fighting the child's mother all the time. He figured when child was 18 he would contact and form a relationship.

Well he did and for a few months while daughters mother didn't know they started to bond. Mother lied and told her daughter her stepdad was real dad. So kid was going through anger at mom initially and bonding with dad and my friend.

When mom found out about contact she stepped in and convinced dad was a lying dirtbag and daughter has since stopped all contact. Friends H has been deeply depressed and guilt ridden ever since the contact stopped over 2 years ago. Even though this is not officially an oc as we have here it is a nc turning to contact gone bad.

He suffers residual guilt over signing his rights over and not fighting for her. Guilt over recontacting and hurting her, and sadness over missing her terribly. Hates that she never remembered him or that he even existed. Their marriage suffers greatly because of emotions he can't get a hold of.

This is a main reason I urge those here to really think long and hard over accepting or pushing their cs to have nc

My ex was seeing a therapist when we had our first child. I was invited to one of the sessions where i was told he might have fathered a child around the time i met him when he was in the Army in Panama. A woman he had been with had called him and told him she was pregnant with his child. At the time he was 20, he had friends who had been scammed by foreign women in Panama, he panicked and told her that he was married and to leave him alone. He never heard from her again.
His military therapist told him it was probably not true since it is easy for women to track down their baby daddies in the military to collect support, etc.
Fast forward 23 years... Last Spring my daughter was going through some serious medical issues and my ex kind of checked out. He later told me that a kid had contacted him saying he was the Panamanian woman's son. The mother was very private about the situation, so the kid didn't even have my ex's name from her, but had discovered it when going through some of his mother's papers.
My ex had a horrible "fiancee" at the time who seemed to be trying to distance my ex from our girls while at the same time, encouraging contact with this young man before verifying anything.
Finally, I arranged for a dna test so that my girls wouldn't be dragged through a drama any longer than necessary. After i saw the boy's pictures, I didn't see ANY family resemblance. Fortunately, I was correct and this young man was not my ex's. My ex indicated the boy's mother had another child before he took up with her, and she later married a different American and moved to the US so there's no telling how many soldiers she hooked up with.
For those of you who aren't familiar with my situation, my ex dumped the psycho fiancee and he and I have reunited. Unfortunately, he screwed her after the reunion and she claims to be pregnant with his baby. She is pregnant, and we have strong suspicions the baby has Down Syndrome. She told my ex it did then changed her tune when he asked her to abort. Four months to go before the due date and we get to have a dna test for this baby. She had some suspicious Facebook comments from a guy that were very suggestive around the time she got inseminated, so hopefully that guy is the dad. Time will tell. If it is his, we plan for joint custody and possibly attempting full custody. The mom is crazy, I think, perhaps, truly delusional based on some fantastic lies she tells about me that she seems to believe.
Anyway, you never know when there might be contact...
Good luck. I hope your situation works out the best for you.
Ann

Hi Lola! We are also NC and have been since OW informed my husband he was one of the possible fathers of her child (she was 5 months along then and OC will be 1 next month). Other than an email when the first alleged father was found to not be the father, 1 phone call, a few texts, and court we have had NC with OW and we plan to keep it that way. At first I didn't want to go through court and when she filed for support after initially saying she didn't want anything, I was furious because a DNA test would have to be done and if this was my husbands kid (it was) his name would forever be attached to it. (thank god the kid has OW's last name since she didn't know who the father was when she was born)

Now I'm a little relieved that payments are set up, so I don't have to worry about her trying to come after us later. Everything goes through the court and there's no need for her to contact us or vice versa (she tried the first week after court when the order was active but wasn't set up to come out of my husbands check yet...he shut that down quickly though telling her to never contact him again and go through the court...that'd they would bill him and he wasn't giving her anything on his own).

Have you had a DNA test? or does your husband know for sure this is his kid? if so I would suggest either putting money aside in case she comes back looking for money...or just setting up CS through court so it's all out there and legal.

As far as the child...if OC is of age to contact us on her own with absolutely no input/help from her mom, and she decides to, then we will take it from there. My husband has the email from OW and OC will be told the full truth, even though it will hurt...we won'[t hide anything from her. (the story of what OW has done is pretty messed up...even worse that yes my husband was the unfortunate one who's sperm reached the egg...but she was doing the same thing with multiple taken men and begging them for it)

When we went to court OW was upset that they were putting my husband on the birth record and that they told him he could apply for visitation if he wanted. I think she thought she could just get money and no have to have him connected to her daughter. I assume she'll encourage her daughter not to seek out my husband because her daughter will then be told the awful nasty things her mother has done with multiple men, and she knows that.

good luck with everything!

We are not 100% sure my H is the father, and since there is no contact at this point and no request for financial support, we are just going to leave it alone. We don't want to rock the boat at this time. The OW appears to be happy on fb with her new bf, so I am hoping that they will work out and then he legally adopts the baby and then that's the end of it. This, of course, would only happen in a perfect world.

Hang in there !!! You might stil get lucky. God forbid it was your H. Let the insanity begin. For now just enjoy the benefit of doubt (i remember those days when I hoped) and try to strengthen your relationship. And stay with us because we all litteraly go through the same crap with slight differences. Word to the wise... Like pink pony said at the begining: think long and hard before NC bec its only delayed reality. H will somehow sooner or later need to establish C with or w/o your consent. Its nice NC but usually back fires later. So sad:((( so take the hit sooner than later if it comes down to it. I pray that you r safe.

Found out about affair when the child was 4 years old. My husbands name was never on the birth certificate and he was never really sure it was his. In any case, we moved far away and so did she and the child. When he turned 18 she contacted us. We did not want to talk until and unless there was a DNA test, which was done eventually. Long story short, there were a few phone conversations but the OW kept trying to control things and we ended it and I am very very glad we had no contact all this time and do not wish to have it ever.

Oh, contact was tried a few more times, but it was always instigated by the OW and whenever things did not go as she wanted it caused problems and I realized there really could not be a relationship because it would always include her somehow.