spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
I had my tubes tied in 2000, a year before I met my H. I did not want anymore kids and either did he. Then in 2008 he had his affair and fathered a son. My issue is I feel that he gave away what was rightfully mine. I mean if he was going to have a kid it should have been with me, his wife, his one and only, his forever. Having a baby with him is something I have always dreamed of to complete our family and we have always joked that if god wanted us to have one we would and even picked out names, lol. So now everytime I see his son, I see the baby that should have been mine, the child I wasn't good enough to have, the child he gave away. He claims it is not like that and he did not want the child, but he has always said that if he were to have a child he would want a boy and that is what he got his boy. I do not believe that there isn't a small part of him that is not happy about it. How do I get over that?
deleted_user
I'm still waiting to find out if the OW baby is my husband's or not, so I'm not quite sure what you are going through yet. She is only 4 months pregnant right now so I have a long way to go to find out how bad it sucks when your husband's mistress has his baby, but what I can tell you is that I have a 5 year old step son that I love very much. When my husband and I first met we found out his ex-girlfriend was pregnant, I know it isn't even close to the same thing as what I am going through now, or what you are going through but neither of us wanted him to be having the baby. But as soon as he was born my husband (only my boyfriend back than) loved him unconditionally. It was hard for me, I felt replaced. We don't have children together but hope to some day, and for me it will be my first and I hate the fact that he has gone through it before. But as I bonded with the baby and fell in love with the sweet little baby he was the anger faded. I think of my step son as my own, try to bond with this child and think of it as your own. I know that is easier said than done, as I sit hear praying to God that my husband OW baby turns out not to be his. I know it is hard, and I'm sorry for your pain. and I hope that your husband is as sorry as mind is for everything he has done to you, but you also wouldn't want him to look at the baby and hate it either, the baby didn't ask to be born, and there probably is a part of your husband that is happy about it, not about the whole mess that lead up to it and all the pain that he has caused you, but I can't imagine a parent not being able to find some happiness in there own child. I hope that you can try to bond with this child and find some happiness with it as well. I love my step son very much and couldn't imagine my life with out him, but when the night he was born I cried my eyes out and didn't want him to come. Just like I don't want this OW baby to be my husbands. I just hope that if it turns out to be his I can follow my own advice. I feel like such hipocrite right now, telling you to love and bond with this baby and praying I don't end up in the same situation. and wondering how the hell I will survive it if I do.
amethyst80
I have nothing against the child. He is a sweet boy and I am growing found of him. The issue I am having is for the last 8 or so years, I have longed to have baby with my H. I have tryed to talk to my H about it and was always shot down by him saying "I don't want anymore kids, but if I did it would be with you" So now I am stuck helping him raise his child he claims to have never wanted (even though he did nothing to prevent having him), the child I have always wanted with him. What is worng with me? why wasn't I good enough? how do I get over looking at his son and feeling all the pain of what he just gave away without a second thought to me? I look at all of these women around me with pregnant bellies and I ask my self, what makes them so special, they don't deserve to have a baby.... do not get me wrong I know I have my tubes tied, but there are ways around that..... It is just so painful and loney......
deleted_user
you said that you have your tubes tied, but there are ways around that... maybe it is time to talk about this with you husband, let him know just how badly you want to have his baby... and how much worse this baby is making that need for you. Maybe when the baby is a little older it is time for you and your H to finally have a child of your own.
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