Ok, so I feel a little conflicted by this. My H just got papers back from the state saying it can take up to 6 months to do the DNA testing, and I am happy about that. The thing is I do want to deal with a crying baby at all. I would much rather prefer for that kid to be older before it comes into my home. In the mean time I know that my H will be missing out on alot of stuff if the kid is in fact his. He will miss the cooing and the first words and the baby will start to think of its moms whatever he is as dad, and all I can do is laugh inside because I really don't care, but then again I do care that My H will miss all of that. I have tryed to ask him if it bothers him and he claims that it doesn't but I know the truth just by the way he never wants to talk about it. A part of me is saying that it serves him right to miss out on all of that, cause of the pain that it causes me, I feel like a horrible person. I have 2 infant nephews and I love making my H take care of them, change daipers, feed them and I always have a smart ass remark like: You need to get use to it or how long has it been since you did that you need the pratice. I guess a part of me is throwing it in his face and I don't know how much longer I can hide the hurt that he has caused me. I don't want to be spiteful, but what else am I to do. I am not liking who I have become through all of this, I just want my life back but it is dead and I know it will never be the same again. Does anyone here have any advice for me? I hate that it makes me happy to know that he will never get this time back with his one and only blood son.
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