spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
Ok, so I feel a little conflicted by this. My H just got papers back from the state saying it can take up to 6 months to do the DNA testing, and I am happy about that. The thing is I do want to deal with a crying baby at all. I would much rather prefer for that kid to be older before it comes into my home. In the mean time I know that my H will be missing out on alot of stuff if the kid is in fact his. He will miss the cooing and the first words and the baby will start to think of its moms whatever he is as dad, and all I can do is laugh inside because I really don't care, but then again I do care that My H will miss all of that. I have tryed to ask him if it bothers him and he claims that it doesn't but I know the truth just by the way he never wants to talk about it. A part of me is saying that it serves him right to miss out on all of that, cause of the pain that it causes me, I feel like a horrible person. I have 2 infant nephews and I love making my H take care of them, change daipers, feed them and I always have a smart ass remark like: You need to get use to it or how long has it been since you did that you need the pratice. I guess a part of me is throwing it in his face and I don't know how much longer I can hide the hurt that he has caused me. I don't want to be spiteful, but what else am I to do. I am not liking who I have become through all of this, I just want my life back but it is dead and I know it will never be the same again. Does anyone here have any advice for me? I hate that it makes me happy to know that he will never get this time back with his one and only blood son.
Here's my advice though, get in counseling now and wait on the results b4 u do anything with this child. No one wants to get attached to just find out later its not your H's child. 6 months-1 year is not going to make that much of a difference & I have tons of experience in that matter. We had this problem of "missing out" with my own son when he was born. (19 years ago tomorrow) My H was in the military and was home for 2 weeks when our 1st child was born. But due to the Gulf war, he was deployed and literally missed the 1st 10 months of our sons life. Yes my H missed out on a lot, but it also taught him how to enjoy everyday with our own sons. Now my husband's new child....my H was not in contact till after the results came back. (that took 4 months from the deay we started the request till we got the results) My H did not get invovled at all for a few more months after the results came back. I hate to admit this..but this baby is all daddy's boy. He's taken to me very well, but he definatly wants his daddy. There's still plenty of diaper changing going on, he's there now to witness the walking, talking, dr visits etc. I do't think this child nor my oldest is ever going to say...you suck dad, you missed my newborn stages of life. (they are both more likely to tell him "you suck dad, you hurt my mother") Your H is probably a little bit in denial and quite honestly still praying this is not his child. This is why I suggest you 2 get in counseling so you both can deal with your own emotions together and separatly. Trust me, your H will need and should talk to a professional on his own as well. All of our H's have issues...that's why they cheated to begin with. Just because some may see the error of there ways now, does not mean they haven't corrected the under lying problems they had from the beginning.
I would love to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't. It just gets clearer. Be prepared for the worse, but keep praying for a miracle.