Our OW has modified us every time the state has lowered our payments. All but once they told her to chill out and get over it. The one time they didn't was recently when they were trying to re figure our payments and lower them to $308 a month, she went in to another office with her old support order for $800 a month and they put it through, which is how we are now paying $800 a month when he only makes $1600 before taxes. They don't take families into consideration here. She also demanded health insurance when none of us have it and they are threatening to put a penalty on H for it. Our kids are on medicaid. We can't afford health insurance BECAUSE of her, but she expects him to pay for it anyway.

In my experience from this support group and my own situation, the OW is ALWAYS looking to modify. I'm still looking and learning how to protect myself and my children.

The only real option you'd have is to separate other wise you're just along for the ride.

In Illinois, the OW can came back at us for modification as much as she wants. Because of this, I legally separated from husband and claimed child support for my 2 kids and alimony. I've claimed over 50% of his net income. I can stay on his insurance and we are still legally married but in the courts eyes when calculating support, we are divorced. During our separation, my husbands pay was cut do to budget cuts so he made $12,000 less for the year. As we thought she would, she took us back to court to get more money, she had no idea about what happened. Everything back fired on her and her payments were lowered. A lot.

She ended up getting a new attorney to fight it. We've been in court almost a year. Her and her attorney were trying to prove that we are not legally separated. They can't do it so they've been trying to dig up more income to get her payments raised back up. They've requested all of our financials including life insurance statements, bank statements, pension, 401K and our kids bank statements. Thank goodness they couldn't touch those!! They are desperate. I think what they've done is harassment. That's how bad it's getting. Bottom line is she is not going to get what she wants and that is the $1200.00 - $1300 per month child support payment. It might go up maybe $25.00 per week from what it was lowered to but not more.

It's been a nightmare, I'm not going to lie. It's made me into a bitter person. I've had emotionally break downs, health problems and sleepless nights. I suffer from depression and anxiety. In the end, it will be worth it. In the end the OW will know that she will not be able to get more money from us ever again. I have control. Not her. I can modify my agreement to reflect any pay increases that my husband might get before she can. What the court decides at the end of this month will be the payment, or close to it, that she will receive for the next 14 years.

Child support courts across the country need an over haul. I know you were looking for other options besides separating from your husband but I don't know of any thing else that would protect you and your kids. At least for me and my family, in this state, it was my only option. I wish you the best of luck and pray that the OW will leave your family alone.

damn! i was hoping to get replies that they just slither away to lick their wounds like a wounded animal lmao

Jewel- do you and your H still live together? did you have to use separate addresses? How did her and her attorney try to prove you guys weren't separated?

If she does try to come back at us that is something I will have to look into. One good thing is in our state they process new orders way faster than modifications (they figure you're already getting money so you can wait). So if she was to put a modification in theoretically I could apply for a new order and it would be processed before her modification. I really do not want to separate as getting married was something huge for us (we were together 8 years before we got married), it was a step we took after the affair (but before we knew she was pregnant and it could be H's).

I don't see our OW getting attorneys and everything, I do know she barely has money to support herself and the kid and lives with roommates. She showed up to court on her own with no paper work filled out, I honestly think she was hoping my H showed up alone and she could talk him into just paying her and she just filed through court as a knee jerk reaction to him telling her to f off again after she tried to make him feel bad when the baby was born and the other guy proved not to be the father. But who knows...we both knew her from college and honestly from her reputation I would have thought she would have had multiple abortions by now and so did H so he was shocked she was so against abortion when she became pregnant and didn't know if it was H's or some other guys (who also had a family at home). So she's shocked up before.

I completely agree with your last paragraph. There needs to be a serious over haul on the CS system in this country. CS shouldn't be there for women who decide on their own to have a baby. Woman who get sperm donors can't get child support, I don't see the difference. Child support is supposed to be so that the child is taken care of the same in both households, but if the child never enters the other household then why do they need to be taken care of the same? It was originally made for those who divorced so when they went their separate ways the children were still use to the same living standards they were when the marriage was intact. It is beyond me how they calculate CS the same for people who have never once lived in the same household as each other (OW doesn't even know where we live!). I also truely believe men should have an opt out option like women do. Not even talking about abortion...but OW's decided they didn't want the baby they could drop it off at a police station/firehouse/hospital no questions asked no support to be paid. If men decide they don't want the baby...too bad they're stuck paying ridiculous amounts of money for the next 18-23 years. It's absolutely ridiculous!

sorry for my rant lol :)

We still live together but on occasion because of his job, he stays with a friend of his for a couple of nights during the week. So that helps. We had to get separate banking accounts and he has to write me a check every 2 weeks for the amount of money that he owes me. We had to change our life insurance policies and switch some utilities into my name. Even having to do all that, we know that we are still legally married, so it made it a little easier.

In court they tried to prove that we still had joint accounts and shared money. They went through our finances with a fine tooth comb. Questioned EVERYTHING!! It felt like I was being raped emotionally by the whole process. I felt violated and dirty. By the end of it the OW knew where I worked, knew about my medical history and how much I made at my new job. She has managed to get into every part of my life. She slept with my husband, had my husbands baby, handed down my husbands last name to her child, moved less then a mile from my home, stalked me, helped to damage my marriage forever and now she knows all about my finances, where my kids go to school and how much we pay on tuition. Everything I've worked for in my life, she's had access to and destroyed it. She did it all through the courts, legally. In the end, as the judge said, what my husband does with his money is up to him as long as he's paying his obligation to me and her. Short of them camping outside of our house for about a month and recording the whole thing, they can't prove other wise. We are legally separated. Signed off by a judge and everything. It's official. They can't say other wise. They did their damnedest to try though. It was more emotionally draining at some points then dday.

Now they are trying to find more money to give the OW. At one point, they were trying to get a $12,000.00 loan that we received from my aunt and uncle to save our home to be considered as income. I couldn't believe it! Now they are using my husbands tax return of $3000.00 as income. Hence the reason we might end up paying $25.00 more a week then what we are. They are also trying to get her attorney expenses covered by my husband. It's ridiculous to what extent they go to to stick it to the fathers. REGARDLESS, of the situation. They all seem to forget what the OW did to get herself into the situation. She becomes the victim of the big bad married man. Evidently, she had no say in the matter. Her legs just kind of spread apart on their own and my husband just accidentally fell between them and there's nothing she could do to stop it. The words "stop" or "no" were never an option in her mind.

I call the child support her whores pay. She's getting paid for having sex with my husband. That makes her a whore. Legalized whoring is what it is in my opinion. When a woman knowingly sleeps with a married man and gets pregnant and then keeps the baby knowing the damage it will cause, there is no other name to call it that I can think of. The money doesn't go to her child, it goes to her Victories Secret shopping sprees, pedicures, manicures and teeth whitening treatments. And she wonders why she's short on rent every month. Dumb A$$!

Sorry for the rant.....like I said, I'm very bitter right now and full of hate. Counting the days until our court date and hopefully an end to this chapter in our lives for good!!

Jewel- I completely understand your bitterness, I carry it around with me also and haven't been through half as much with all the court stuff that you have been through! Funny you call it whore's pay, when we were in court after they came up with the amount I said to my husband (loud enough so she could hear me) "I guess it pays to be a whore!"...she started crying and was trying to look in the other direction lol

It amazes me what these OW get away with. It's so sickening! They willingly sleep with a married man, willingly get pregnant and then pretend they're the victim and all innocent and need money. I've never understood why the court favors them so much and makes the man pay for everything. If the kid turns out to his be has to pay for the DNA test and they try to get him to pay for the lawyer fees. If the OW wasn't a whore in the first place none of that would be needed so it's her fault. And then what us wives who are already hurt by whats happened are subjected to all this bullshit too. It's crazy. Where's the protection in being married? It seems the legal system has made it more appealing to be a whore and have kids by random men so you can get a pay check than be married and try to make your marriage work through good and bad. Ugh

It makes me so mad! I hope at your next court date they rule and this will be the end for you and you guys can move on with your lives!