Hi everyone, I am new and I’m so glad I found this support group. I am just looking for some support from all the lovely ladies here who are dealing with the same thing I am. My boyfriend and I aren’t married yet and we have been together for 4 years now, and in November he confessed to me that he cheated on me and had a one night stand with coworker (whose only 23) in December 2016. Then the icing on the cake is that she got pregnant and had the baby in September. I was devastated and heart broken. He feels terrible and hates himself for what he did, wishes he never did it and will do anything necessary for us to stay together and work it out. I have decided to try and work things out with him because I believe everyone deserves a second chance to right their wrong. We started couples therapy but now are looking for a new therapist, and I am also in my own therapy. Long story short, he met her while on a work trip in Seattle and she was visiting where we live to see some family she claims live here, and that’s when it happened, so I guess on a positive note she and the child live 2 states away in Seattle. We are so relatively young, in our early 30s, just moved in together before he told me, no kids together, and we’re ready to take our relationship to the next level. Needless to say I have been an absolute mess these last 4 months, so heartbroken, and betrayed especially since we don’t have any kids together and I wanted so bad to give him his first child one day when we were ready. She didn’t tell him until she was 6 months pregnant, she was keeping it and wanted him to move up there with her to be a “family”. (Paternity test was done once she was born so we know it’s his). He told her he didn’t want it, she’s crazy and absolutely not because he wasn’t with me. It took him a year to tell me because he felt so guilty and so bad that he couldn’t get himself to do it, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. 

I guess the moral of the story here is that he has chosen me over her, doesn’t want to be in the child’s life other than her knowing the story and knowing that he exists. We both feel that the OW chose to keep it all on her own without including him on the decision so she needs to reap what she sews. We have been working hard to mend our relationship, and he’s been doing everything right for me and our relationship. He wanted nothing to do with her after it happened, he’s completely cut all contact with her, his mom has been the mediator between the OW and us. But even though he’s doing everything right to mend our relationship I still don’t feel any better. Is it too early to hope to feel better even slightly? I have my good days and bad days. I go back and forth from loving him, to hating him, resenting him, wanting to cuss him out, wanting to leave him, feeling ok that we will get through it. There are days I’m hopeful we will get through this and be ok, and there are days if I wonder if staying with him is the right choice since we are not married yet and are just starting our lives together. I worry I’m walking into a storm with this that will only get messier as time goes on. Is love enough to have to deal with something like this? He reassured me that he has chosen me over the OC and he will do whatever he has to in order to keep me and for us to be alright. 

I guess I am just hoping for some words of wisdom to get me through this from ladies like you who know first hand. I don’t have anyone in my life personally whose been through a situation like this so I feel very alone. Most of my friends are just starting their lives, don’t have kids, aren’t married, etc. i love him with all my heart and believe we are all human and we make mistakes and everyone can be forgiven one day. I want nothing to do with the OC, even though parts of me feel bad because she is just as innocent in this as I am, yet at the same time I don’t care one bit about the OC because I have a life to live that I’m not going to move around for someone or something that had no choice in creating. 

Im very lost, and my wounds are still very raw. Some support and guidance from you lovely ladies to help me get through this would be sincerely appreciated!