spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
Last weekend, the children that resulted from my husband's affair turned 5 yrs old. In the past I have kept my distance from that part of his life and from them. They are a constant reminder to the pain and devastation both I and my children endured because of his poor choices. But, last weekend I surprised myself. I baked them cupcakes for their birthday and bought them a small gift. I did it because it felt good. I did it because I wanted to. I did it for my own healing. A positive outcome that I was not anticipating was that my son observed what I had done and I think that helped him feel less bitter towards them also.
If you would have told me 5 yrs ago that I would stop crying about the affair and my heart would finally heal, I would have said, "yeah right". If you would have told me that I would find myself baking and giving birthday gifts to the children of his affair, I would say you're insane. But, here I am, stronger than yesterday, but not as strong as tomorrow. I continue to learn about myself and love myself with each day.
I did not deserve what he did to me, to our marriage and to our family but I spent four years of my life in misery and anger and this year I have begun to heal and move forward. So I share this with all of my friends that are seeking guidance and hope. One day you'll start to feel better. One day you'll realize you stopped crying every night.
If you would have told me 5 yrs ago that I would stop crying about the affair and my heart would finally heal, I would have said, "yeah right". If you would have told me that I would find myself baking and giving birthday gifts to the children of his affair, I would say you're insane. But, here I am, stronger than yesterday, but not as strong as tomorrow. I continue to learn about myself and love myself with each day.
I did not deserve what he did to me, to our marriage and to our family but I spent four years of my life in misery and anger and this year I have begun to heal and move forward. So I share this with all of my friends that are seeking guidance and hope. One day you'll start to feel better. One day you'll realize you stopped crying every night.
I have had moments where I imagine myself doing good things for the OC, even imagining being able to do things like I did for my own son. Things like setting up an easel in the driveway with open cans of paint when he is a toddler and allowing him to paint those big messy beautiful paintings that are pure joy on paper, getting and reading him books that I found beautiful and amazing -- like Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, Mr. Gumpy's Outing (truly a gorgeous book) and The Great Blueness and Other predicaments. I guess I imagine how I could impart things that I know are unique to me and that I know the OW will never have the imagination to do.
Right now these imaginings don't happen that often and the baby is only just shy of a year old. I don't harbor much meanness toward the baby anymore. Meeting him really helped dispel that. But imagining that I may be capable, in the future, of creating little acts that bring joy helps me heal a great deal.
Truly, it's no fun being angry and mean. I used to be such a joyful person who really did see the beauty in everyone around me. Maybe we all can get back there, even if it only is one day at a time.
Your words actually rendered me to glimpse 5 years, :)) I don't know if I'll be baking, lol, but I truly admire your strength and heart. Yes, thank you for sharing you story.