spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
Yep...it's at that point. While it has to do with a lot of other behaviors my DH has other than just the OW/OC situation, that sparked it and everything has come to a boiling point.
Last night...after arguing the last few days...DH sparks hours of conversation about how I don't have his back in the whole OW/OC situation and how my 1 night that I cheated (when I found out he cheated, not with OW but with another woman...and then he got OW pregnant after that but I just didn't know yet) on him before we got married was so much worse than his 8 year on/off affair with OW and them having an OC. I lost it when the conversation kept coming back to me. In the end we realized we cannot talk at all, everything that ever happens in our relationship he brings up what I did and somehow tried to make it worse than what he has done.
From lots of research lately I also suspect my husband has a personality disorder (most likely Narcissistic Personality Disorder...though I'm not doctor)
After coming to the conclusion we need to separate last night, he ran right to his computer to print out divorce papers...fought with me until I signed them right then an there (at 3:30am), then proceeded to fight with me until 4am about if I was going to change my last name back or not, and then went through all of my belongings to find anything he has ever brought me in the last 10 years together (wedding rings, jewelry, shoes, hand bags, etc) and threw it all in the trash. I finally had to go sleep in my car (at 5 months pregnant) just to get away from the craziness and get some sleep. When I returned in the house in the morning he had thrown every item of food in the fridge and snacks on the counter away. It's behavior like this that makes me think he has some type of mental illness (which also has a high rate of promiscuity).
I'm devastated...but trying to stay calm. Today I took steps to prepare myself for this. I don't know how I'll manage rent and daycare...but I'll deal with the daycare when it comes. I also feel a sense a relief not having to deal with the OW/OC drama now. When he talked to her the other day he threatened to take her to court to fight for full custody if she won't drop child support. It'll be kinda funny to watch him fight as a single man with 4 kids by 3 different women, who's going through a divorce try to fight for custody of a child he's never even seen. Sometimes he just seems delusional.
Now I'm just ranting...enjoy the long weekend everyone!
Last night...after arguing the last few days...DH sparks hours of conversation about how I don't have his back in the whole OW/OC situation and how my 1 night that I cheated (when I found out he cheated, not with OW but with another woman...and then he got OW pregnant after that but I just didn't know yet) on him before we got married was so much worse than his 8 year on/off affair with OW and them having an OC. I lost it when the conversation kept coming back to me. In the end we realized we cannot talk at all, everything that ever happens in our relationship he brings up what I did and somehow tried to make it worse than what he has done.
From lots of research lately I also suspect my husband has a personality disorder (most likely Narcissistic Personality Disorder...though I'm not doctor)
After coming to the conclusion we need to separate last night, he ran right to his computer to print out divorce papers...fought with me until I signed them right then an there (at 3:30am), then proceeded to fight with me until 4am about if I was going to change my last name back or not, and then went through all of my belongings to find anything he has ever brought me in the last 10 years together (wedding rings, jewelry, shoes, hand bags, etc) and threw it all in the trash. I finally had to go sleep in my car (at 5 months pregnant) just to get away from the craziness and get some sleep. When I returned in the house in the morning he had thrown every item of food in the fridge and snacks on the counter away. It's behavior like this that makes me think he has some type of mental illness (which also has a high rate of promiscuity).
I'm devastated...but trying to stay calm. Today I took steps to prepare myself for this. I don't know how I'll manage rent and daycare...but I'll deal with the daycare when it comes. I also feel a sense a relief not having to deal with the OW/OC drama now. When he talked to her the other day he threatened to take her to court to fight for full custody if she won't drop child support. It'll be kinda funny to watch him fight as a single man with 4 kids by 3 different women, who's going through a divorce try to fight for custody of a child he's never even seen. Sometimes he just seems delusional.
Now I'm just ranting...enjoy the long weekend everyone!
I too think this has something to do with jealousy of OW (even though he won't admit it). When he was looking at her new boyfriend on facebook he made a comment about how he resembled him and was laughed about how they all try to find someone "like him" in the end. I know he doesn't want her, but he has control issues. He has another BM (he got her pregnant a few weeks before we met) and she has never remarried/had other kids and he still loves to torment her and control her any way she can.
He's been calling me all day, trying to get me to talk about stupid things that he finds important, but I refuse to talk to him on the phone and will only talk through email so that I have history of our convos from here on out.
WIsh me luck in this! I'm trying to be strong :(
Sounds like you've gota supportive mom. That's great.
YOu must do what's best for you and your babies. For me, financial, I can't afford to leave! I work but it's not nearly what we need to make it.
Prayers and more prayers for you girl!
Are you ok? I hope all is well. Praying for you.
H is of course on his best behavior again and I'm just so confused on what I need to do. He sweeps everything under the rug and expects me to act like it never happened too. I have been quiet and just focusing on me, the baby and my son going back to school to keep my mind off things.
Thinking about divorce and being pregnant is the worst! I just feel so confused.
Thanks for being here :)
It's beginning to feel like too much. At this point, it's just focusing on me and mine and making sure we aren't dragged down with him.
He's been living in denial like anything is wrong with us again and acting like everything is great. I know it's only a matter of time. Telling me how he knows I deserve better and all the same things you've said (that he should have said from the beginning). *Sigh*
I've been focusing on myself and kids to get through too.