spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
to keep the peace in my house, i don't bring up OW/OC. the conversation never ends good and it's always a matter of my husband basically saying what else can he do now that it's done. i get that...so i come here (or other sites) to read and gain knowledge. it makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one in the world going through this. we have NC and the OC will be 1 next month.
maybe it's the approach of OC's bday or the approach of D-day (about 1.5 months after OC was born and OW contacted my H to say the other guy she tested wasn't the father)...but i find myself thinking about it more lately after i was starting to get better.
we've also had a falling out with my MIL recently and i hate that it had to happen. she choose to contact OW even though my H told her if she did he would never talk to her again. H and i are trying for 1 more kid (we have a 5yo son) and i got pregnant last month and when we told her she said it wasn't fair to ask her to love another grandchild and not love OC and why should she have to pick and choose based on who they came out of. I ended up miscarrying (which hurt even worse...why couldn't OW miscarry?~~??/!!?) but we now have no contact with her and she's posting on social media (we've blocked her but can still see her posts) pictures of the OC and commenting on OW's pictures so people are asking questions. (OW went to college with us...so we know alot of the same people). but then again MIL was also not in my H's life, put 2 kids up for adoption (other than my H), was a crack whore, prostitute, etc....so i'm not sure why i expected better (other than she's turned her life around). she probably relates more to the OW than me anyways. i guess the MIL situation really hurt me. and i'm not allowed to bring it up to H AT ALL. because his mother has hurt him alot throughout his life and this was the last straw for him so he doesn't want to talk about it.
ugh...i'm rambling. this just sucks so bad. i want to see OW hurt...although i'm grateful for NC...i yearn for the day she emails us how hard it has and how she made a mistake having this child and how miserable her life is.
i also just realized i never got to deal with the 8 year on and off sex they were having (i won't even call it an affair...admitted by both of them...although i know OW is lying and she wanted more...it was just sex...she claimed she would have never wanted to deal with "what i do"). i was lied to for 8 whole years how they were just friends back in college and told they "laugh" cause i always suspected they were sleeping together. then she popped up pregnant. I called her on D-day and she had the nerve that when i said to her "wtf are you doing, you knew about me from day 1" she said "well you knew about me too"...that makes me madder than anything. i confronted her back in college twice. first time she told me to ask my man...second time she just ignored me. so obviously if i knew this was going on the whole 8 years i would have been long gone. i stayed because we turned our relationship around and got married before i even knew about her. if i had known before we even got married...i wouldn't have stayed. H knows that.
ugh...i hate her so much. how do i get past that?
maybe it's the approach of OC's bday or the approach of D-day (about 1.5 months after OC was born and OW contacted my H to say the other guy she tested wasn't the father)...but i find myself thinking about it more lately after i was starting to get better.
we've also had a falling out with my MIL recently and i hate that it had to happen. she choose to contact OW even though my H told her if she did he would never talk to her again. H and i are trying for 1 more kid (we have a 5yo son) and i got pregnant last month and when we told her she said it wasn't fair to ask her to love another grandchild and not love OC and why should she have to pick and choose based on who they came out of. I ended up miscarrying (which hurt even worse...why couldn't OW miscarry?~~??/!!?) but we now have no contact with her and she's posting on social media (we've blocked her but can still see her posts) pictures of the OC and commenting on OW's pictures so people are asking questions. (OW went to college with us...so we know alot of the same people). but then again MIL was also not in my H's life, put 2 kids up for adoption (other than my H), was a crack whore, prostitute, etc....so i'm not sure why i expected better (other than she's turned her life around). she probably relates more to the OW than me anyways. i guess the MIL situation really hurt me. and i'm not allowed to bring it up to H AT ALL. because his mother has hurt him alot throughout his life and this was the last straw for him so he doesn't want to talk about it.
ugh...i'm rambling. this just sucks so bad. i want to see OW hurt...although i'm grateful for NC...i yearn for the day she emails us how hard it has and how she made a mistake having this child and how miserable her life is.
i also just realized i never got to deal with the 8 year on and off sex they were having (i won't even call it an affair...admitted by both of them...although i know OW is lying and she wanted more...it was just sex...she claimed she would have never wanted to deal with "what i do"). i was lied to for 8 whole years how they were just friends back in college and told they "laugh" cause i always suspected they were sleeping together. then she popped up pregnant. I called her on D-day and she had the nerve that when i said to her "wtf are you doing, you knew about me from day 1" she said "well you knew about me too"...that makes me madder than anything. i confronted her back in college twice. first time she told me to ask my man...second time she just ignored me. so obviously if i knew this was going on the whole 8 years i would have been long gone. i stayed because we turned our relationship around and got married before i even knew about her. if i had known before we even got married...i wouldn't have stayed. H knows that.
ugh...i hate her so much. how do i get past that?
I often think of what I would do if I ran into her with her OC and me with my son...or both of us alone. Would I just ignore her...would I say something out loud to my son so she could hear it indirectly like "lets hurry up so we can get home to daddy since we haven't seen him all day and he misses us (LOL)"...will i punch her in the face? (what i would REALLY like to do LOL).
I told my H in my eyes that just proved that she doesn't have the OC's best interest at heart she wants him to want her as well...because if it were about the child she would've taken my offer (out of my mouth) of a weekly amount as well as her child being welcomed into my home by both me and my H.
So now we are at NC and I'm so good with that...sometimes I want to send some pampers or a cute little outfit but then I remember that she really is the enemy and I shouldn't be so weak.
my OW did the same thing. in her original email telling H that he was the father since the other guy she tested wasn't she said she knew he told her he wanted nothing to do with the situation, she was just reaching out to let him know it was his and she didn't expect him to be involved but just wanted to give him the chance if he changed his mind and that she didn't want anything but a call back.
when that call didn't go her way and he told her he had nothing at all to say to her after how she handled all this the first thing she did was go and file for support because we got the notice about a week later and that's when she cried about how if the baby was the other guys the other guy said he'd actually help her and how she can't do this on her own. sorry whore but you should have made sure you got pregnant by someone who was able to help you then. she knew damn well with our history that he wouldn't leave me and i would never allow him to talk to her/OC once i found out. that's why she never said a word all these years. she knew once i found out it'd be over. she would have had a better chance "keeping" my husband if she had an abortion.
sorry...i keep rambling. i just don't get to talk about this ever in real life and i tend to spill it all when i type online.
I agree with you...my H would prob be still messing with her if she would've gotten an abortion. I told her she really did not know him.