That really sucks. Totally.

Are you sure you don't want to be part of the parent/teacher meetings, future events? Maybe you could work towards going. Your H and you could go as what I call "The United Front." The OW is not his core/universal partner and he should not present himself as such.

One thing I told my BF is that I want to be part of those things, no matter if they hurt. I guess for me, I feel a strong sense of needing my BF to accompany me in the world, present to the world, that we are the core relationship.

It hurts so deeply if I am not present because then the rest of the world is seeing the OW with the H as the core relationship. In no way do I want the rest of the world assuming my BF is in a relationship with the OW. When he goes and does thing with the OW and I am not included then I feel like I am allowing that to happen.

This issue, to me, is the hardest thing of all. I'd rather face the pain and difficulty of the real circumstances while standing by my partner's side than be invisible. Being invisible just ignites the pain of the original breach. I hope this makes sense. I am still working out all of this myself.

This past weekend, in fact, my BF went to the summer cottage in RI and the OW and OC went up too (I agreed to this -- long story -- another topic -- but he needed to have some discussions with her). Despite my agreement, it's totally humiliating to me. He's up there with her surrounded by OUR friends and my son's friends and I'm absent. Invisible.

That's what sucks. Being invisible, as if we are the mistress, not the wife. (Or, in my case, the significant other).

Very Good Advice HerstersPearl....I will not give the OW any control over my husband. That is what some of these heffa will do, You are given this OW dominion over your husband just because he has this child from her, and she is keeping him guilt ridden for it, There are thousands of single woman out here in the world doing just fine with the child/ren. But my things is. She interfered in my marriage. You don't get to call the shot where my husband is concerned, and some of these events, she will have to go at it alone. He will not present himself with her like they are one happy family, and continue this sharade with her, Just because they have a child . This heffa is a baby momma, who knowingly slept with your husband on no birth control pill . Do not give them power in your relationships, but try and not reject the child, and your spouse need to understand he can not keep presenting himself with this woman and his outside child with her becasue he is still married, and should show you some respect and stop allowing this OW to make him feel guility ,The OW need to back off a bit. For some of us, our battle is not even about the child, because we know, the child is innocent. It is with the OW who still think she has control in your man life. She showed no respect for you in the marraige then, and she still don't have any respect for it, and see you and your Husband is trying to do what is right by the child, and all she want to do is cause more heartache for you. If the OW had any dam sense she would go sit her silly asses down somewhere and concentrate on being the best Single mother she can be to their child, knowing what kind of circumstances she brought this child into the world in, sleeping with another womans man or husband. It pisses me off becasue these are grown ass woman. And we are baring the pain of there mess,and our husband are walking around like they don't have a glue how to deal with this woman now, other then feel sorry for her ass. I I feel sorry for the child. So I really don't deal with her ass. But that is just me. I just had to vent ladies... Sorry. You all have a lovely day. I think I will go out and do something Nice for me......

Wow! bruseheart I love that you say it like it is without holding back. And HestersPearl, I understand the concept of having a united front between he and I but she and I cannot be in the same room together. The very sight of her ugly white trash self sets me off and I lose all control of my senses. I just want to bust her head wide open. She pushes my buttons and I get so worked up. She makes a scene and says that he can't see the kids if I'm going to be around. So he puts his tail between his legs and gives her what she wants. Again I lose in this situation. She calls all of the shots and he asks me not to be involved when it comes to the kids and her. The court has no problem collecting child support from him but when it comes to getting help for visitation they don't do that for free. He can't afford an attorney so she has him by the balls. Besides, I don't what will happen between us so I don't want to get attached to those kids even if I could stomach the pain of it.

I totally understand how you feel. I have only seen the OW once since I found out and fortunately for her, I was so ill with a stomach virus that I didn't have the physical strength to clock her one. Probably that was fortunate for me too. I have vivid daydreams about beating the crap out of her. (Since I have already beat the crap out of my BF, mostly emotionally but I have thrown him a punch or two not that I'm any match for him. And I am the peaceful type. I can't imagine what would happen if I were more of a fighting type.)

I would have a very hard time if my H was attending functions with ow and oc together. So far since I have found out my H has not done any events with oc and ow other than going to his communion and sitting away from her. What ever he does with oc is seperate from her. I would deff not want him joining her in something like a parent tea. If he wants to participate in a school event it would have to be just him and his son. H currently has his own house and oc and my kids spend time there. H occassionaly picks oc from school or bus stop one day I will go with him with my 8 year old son (same age as oc) let people see the odd situation and talk about it. let them gossip. Not strong enough yet to do that but eventualy. At some point when H moves back oc will visit here and many people already know because I have been open. why not reveal it on her end too. I need to lose 50 lbs first so I look damn good. lol.

A) if you've made up your mind to stay married, you must be involved with your H.
B) if you went thru the courts, she has no say over keeping the children from your h whether you're present or the grim reaper. (it's halloween tonight)
C) trust me...this will make you feel more empowered then ever before in your life. To shower the kids with love and kindness will ultimatly be your best healing tool.