Hello Hurt, we have had C from the becgining unfortunatelly. I wish I cod have had that ñrecious time you have had with your family to heal. The o ly clarification H or I will have to do is why is the OC in the middle of my 3 children and daddy is still with me.
If I was you, I sould probably go ahead and very PG Rated expmain to them they have a sibling they dont know. Very very carefully and use the dont ask dont tell rule. After you put it out there wait for their questions very cool and calm. I would definitelly want my babies to hear it from me if you think they are at risk of missi formation or some ody embarassing them. They certainly are old enough and if you think the time is near that contact occurs from any side,and they are mature enough to internalize this it might be time. I wouldn't wAnt their resentment for hiding it. And if they want to see him then make up to you and H to figure out how. Grandpas house etc. its soooo Hard but there is an idea.

Sorry typing fast at work. Damn touchscreen!!!

Dear Hurt, I know that is a very difficult decision and Im so sorry that you are the one that gets put in the position to make it, but I would sit your kids down and be honest with them. Their reaction will most likely reflect the way you present it to them. My mother always told me kids are "little adults". The truth is most likely your best bet. I would think you would want the kids to hear about the OC from you rather than hear about it at school or see it on a public site like my children did. Your H obviously is the one that needs to tell them, but sense you are the one that is looking out for their best interest--tell them the truth. In the long run they will respect you more for coming clean and knowing that you love and respect them enough to tell them the truth. If you can wait until a break from school like spring break, I would do that to give them mental time to absorb it. My heart goes out to you and I am praying for you tonight that God will give you the wisdom of what to do and how to tell them and also that He will be with you during this confusing time.

I was honest with my kids. I knew that at the very least I would allow contact with them if they chose it. Atleast you have a year in between your kid and oc. My youngest is the same age as oc. I tried the "we broke up for a bit" but that didn't fly for long. My youngest became fixated on The oc's mom. He would bring her up a lot. He didn't know her but I think the curiosity was killing him. Eventually I Snapped. I s told him the truth that daddy cheated with oc mom. He had a gf while we were together and it was hurtful. The oc is not a mistake but cheating on me with his mom was very wrong and most people divorce over that. I told him to not Discuss her with me. If he wants to have conversations about her to do it with oc.

There have been a few tough situations like this and I can assume you will have some too once you tell. Every child is different and if you approach it right and answer the questions as Thry come along, you may satisfy their curiosity just enough.

Much like Pink, my son tends to wonder about ow with the oc but at his age (7) its usually funny stuff like "your moms boring" and stuff like that when they talk about stuff they have done or toys they get. Ow doesn't gift her bastard a whole lot. Maybe shes broke. Beside the point, there have been 2 occasions when oc makes up his own story that mom and dad were inlove, boyfriend and girlfriend and had him a long time ago. Not sure what thats about but if they dont have a real story, they make it up.

Torn, Pink, and dmdempse: Thank you so much for your suggestions and your support. I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this online group as an outlet and support. I spoke to my husband (with your suggestions) and we are going to start having the conversation about how the "reveal" should go. I figure we have about another year before it comes urgent. THe OC does not have any social media accounts yet. And they live out of town. I'll keep you all posted.

Glad to know we could be there for you. I wish you the best Hurt. Hang in there.

OMG oc here does the mom and dad were bf gf too. That part is hard because it makes me question my husband and my kids hear conflicting stories. He thinks my husband used to live with him and his mom. That I know is untrue. I think the ow has told him some fantasy scinerios. I also know that he's seeing that wec were always a unit. Hes asked me questions about me and hubby and living arrangements.

About social media, you can do 2 things. 1 is set everything (limit what everything means) to private and 2 is use a fake name like mispell their middle names as their last. Lots of people do that to prevent being sesrched out.

We have NC. The OW wasn't even aware H had a wife until we notified the military police and her parents of the incident with she and her Marine buddies hazing guys by drugging their drinks and then her having sex with them. Once she had the spotlight put on her (she was under drinking age, plus finding out one of the sailors was married, PLUS her parents being military chaplains and an officer- quite embarrassing for them) she changed her story and said she, herself, was drugged (her buddies received action against them and dishonorable discharges partly because of her as well) but that H wasn't one of the men she slept with. Then, when she windup pregnant and had to test EVERY ONE OF THE GUYS only to find out H was the one, she insisted on No Contact (H would have requested it anyway) but then made a huge deal on getting the highest amount she could...

ANYWAY. Because she insisted on No Contact, they made it to where she has none of our info and we have none of her's. From snooping, I do know what town she lives in. We moved an hour away. She has no idea where we are, and apparently she has no idea that we have children. We have no mutual friends (she is from another state) and our social media pages are locked solid. When I turned over her employment info to the courts after she lied, she deleted her Facebook. She has made every effort to disappear, so I would hope she has enough sense to not give OC any false hope or stories. Because of this, we decided we would not tell our children.

Should OC come looking in the future, H says he will not see him. When I pressed him, he asked me if I would want to see a baby born from a sexual advance on me while drugged. My feelings are different, though he madehimself clear. If I see the child, I won't turn him away, but I won't hold my tongue to the truth of the circumstances, either. I have even saved the military police report from the incident as proof, should OC ever come knocking somehow. I don't imagine she would make up a relationship, though, between she and H. Seeing as she mispronounced our last name and probably couldn't even tell you H's eye color if asked.

we have never ever had any contact at all and do not ever plan to anytime soon. my son is 7. way too much for these kids mental comprehension to me. many professionals have told me to wait as long as i can as long as OW and OC are not asking for contact. we r lucky they want nothing to do w us . if the other child is not asking or hunting u all down why??? let your kids be kids your kids will understand the more they get older all boys r momma boys want to protect mom to their heart . i say wait until other child is asking and wanting it wait until the OC is begging. take care of your kids first. i am much diff than some on here
going to keep waiting if mom and no social media yet why?