spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
I found out that the DR are going to be taking the baby early, because the OW has Heart issue. My gut has been telling me that it is my H baby. I have being so strong during all of this, but am tierd of feeling alone. I finially broke down last night and let my H see how much this really effects me. He has been wanting to wait until the OW contacts him about the baby, but now he knows this will hang over our heads until it is delt with. HE now will be the one to push for a DNA test. My gut tells me it is 90% his. I'm usally right. :( How do I even start to make my mind up? I love my H very much, and can imagine my life with out him, but know I am not strong enough to deal with that kid. How do you sort out your feelings about it, what if I make the wrong choice? I wish this wasn't so confusing.
amethyst80
Oh, Let me add that on the 20th I also go in for surgery, and the stress of all this is eating me alive.
deleted_user
wow, i know how you feel, this can make you crazy-literally! i wish i could tell you that it will all work itself out but i am still working towards that myself, all i can say is to try and be prepared for the fact that it may be his, but i will be praying that it is not. this is such a life altering situation. you never know, you may be able to accept the child and continue on with your husband and then you could have the exact opposite. can you tell that i am trying to make you feel better but just can't find the words? sorry, just know that we are here for you.
amethyst80
Yes, I know. It is the hardest thing in this world to try to sort out your feelings. There is alway more then one out come no matter which way you go. I have decieded that I will just disappear for a weekend after we get the DNA results back. My H has decided that when he hears the baby was born to walk in to her hospital room and swab the baby (even if her H is ther or not).
deleted_user
just know that whatever you decide, we are here for you.
pillar
Yes keep yourself very busy or surrounded by your closest of friends & family during these big events. I hate to tell you this, but it's going to hurt like hell. The birth is the beginning of reality hitting home. I was fine with my H going to the hospital, but had a canary when he took my then 11 year old with him later that day. Hated the fact my in-laws made a 2 hour drive to come see the baby. The pain was very raw. If you can get a paternity test done at the hopsital you'll have your results very fast. In our case she refused and we had to sue her to have the paternity test done. That literaly took another 2 1/2 months to know for sure. Yes be prepared for the worse. We actually took a vacation to Florida the week the results were due back. I think this did help me. We drove together to the post office to pick them up. As hard as it was for me, my H had his own emotions. He had been in denial the whole time. Even after seeing him he doubted it was his child. He was banking on it not being his...well he was wrong. IF you're going to do this together...really do it together. Don't disapper on him. Just be prepared to discover new emotions from eachoather. And some emotions that you'll want buried for the rest of your life.
Join the Conversation