spouses and illegitimate children Community Group
Dealing with your spouse not only having an affair but a child as a result and how it affects your day to day life and the lives of your children.
I know this thought has crossed all of our minds at one time or another. We all have our reasons for staying but do you ever just day dream of a different, peaceful life without all the problems and drama the ow creates?
In my situation I should have left my first year of marriage and most definitely the second. I was so desperate to make things work. I was young and wanted to prove to everyone that I didn't make the wrong decision... turns out, I did.
I could havr left but life happened, two kids, a home, money and more problems happened. I should have left year three, four, five, six and here I am year seven.... I know I will look back and wish I had done it now, just like I wished it before.
But I'm scared. Oh god am I scared. I've never been on my own before, like working and paying the bills myself kind of alone. I have two young kids to support and I am terrified of turning their lives upside down. I am overwhelmed with the details of divorce. The complications and trails that will occur.
I need some love, thoughts and all of your opinions. I'm not happy where I am.
Those of you that have been following my story will know that I have been through alot in my marriage and I wouldn't be giving up without a fight. I have been through hell and back for this man. I'm not taking the easy way out. I feel like I need to do what's best for ME, for my kids and our well being. I need to be the woman my kids can admire, look up to and strive to be like. I want to be their hero, I just don't know what road to take.
In my situation I should have left my first year of marriage and most definitely the second. I was so desperate to make things work. I was young and wanted to prove to everyone that I didn't make the wrong decision... turns out, I did.
I could havr left but life happened, two kids, a home, money and more problems happened. I should have left year three, four, five, six and here I am year seven.... I know I will look back and wish I had done it now, just like I wished it before.
But I'm scared. Oh god am I scared. I've never been on my own before, like working and paying the bills myself kind of alone. I have two young kids to support and I am terrified of turning their lives upside down. I am overwhelmed with the details of divorce. The complications and trails that will occur.
I need some love, thoughts and all of your opinions. I'm not happy where I am.
Those of you that have been following my story will know that I have been through alot in my marriage and I wouldn't be giving up without a fight. I have been through hell and back for this man. I'm not taking the easy way out. I feel like I need to do what's best for ME, for my kids and our well being. I need to be the woman my kids can admire, look up to and strive to be like. I want to be their hero, I just don't know what road to take.
My first marriage ended when my son was only four years old so I also know what it's like to be single and on your own with a child. It's hard work but no words can express how much happier I was. Another thing is that a year after my divorce I got laid off from my job, so I had a windfall of bad circumstances but even then I was still HAPPIER. I eventually sold my house (the stress of the mortgage with little income was too much) and began a consulting career that has turned out to be quite successful (took 10 years to build that). I used to juggle a crazy work travel schedule with school and before- after- school care (sometimes hiring college students to pick up my son from school).
The bottom line is: Your Happiness. And once you find a way to stabilize, happiness comes more easily. When you're with a man who makes your life unpredictable, it is so much harder to stabilize. I have a little goal which I call "Peace and Joy." My goals is to have those in my life as often as possible. You have to have Peace before you can have Joy. Peace lays the groundwork for you being more open to opportunities for Joy. Work on getting peace in your life back and the rest will follow.
Good luck!!! I know you can do it!
It helped me when I made a list of "reasons to stay/ reasons to go." I worked on the list for a week, adding to it with the most trivial thoughts whenever they came. You will be surprised what ends up there. In the end, I was able to see that I should stay. My H is remorseful and I look at him as sort of broken right now. He is in IC so this might help him work though his problems. I am patiently waiting.
You should google "how to make a difficult decision." There is a site that has a long list of advice (one liners) on this question. It gave me some ideas about it. It also helped me decide that divorce was not the decision I should make. It may inspire you.
Good luck and HUGS.