SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
Reviews and comments are always welcome.
The DSM-5 criteria can be found online, however, it's long and it can be confusing. I'm going to touch on some of the highlights here. First, a person must have problems with both self functioning and interpersonal functioning.
Problems with self functioning include issues with
Identity (unstable self-image)
Self direction (instability in goals, values, etc.).
Problems with interpersonal functioning include
Empathy (can not recognize the feelings and needs of others or prone to feel slighted or insulted)
Intimacy (intense, unstable relationships marked by mistrust or neediness, anxious about abandonment, and alternates between either loving or hating the person).
Someone with BPD will have pathological personality traits. These include negative affectivity, disinhibition, and antagonism. Here is what that looks like in every day life:
Emotional lability (unstable emotional experiences, frequent mood changes, emotions that are out of proportion to the event that happened)
Anxiousness (intense feelings of nervousness, or panic, threatened by uncertainty, fears of losing control)
Separation insecurity (fears of rejection)
Depressivity (feeling down, miserable, or hopeless, thoughts of or suicidal behavior)
Impulsivity (acting in the moment without considering the outcomes)
Risk taking (involved in dangerous or risky activity with no regard for consequences)
Hostility (frequent angry feelings, anger over minor slights)
In addition to having the above traits, a person with BPD will have these traits across time and situations. This means they act like this most of the time and not just in certain situations. The traits cannot be because of using drugs or alcohol. They also can't be explained away by another reason, like a cultural norm. People with BPD have an all or nothing approach to their thinking. A person, place, or thing is either all good or all bad and there is no in between. In a stepfamily situation this means your husband may always be all bad all the time. The children may sometimes be viewed as all good by their mother and sometimes all bad. You, the stepmom, are likely always all bad.
<what to do. refer to article for details>
Step 1: Disengage From the Vortex of Drama
Step 2: Master the Art of Silence
Step 3: Educate Yourself About BPD
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