SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group

Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.

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Sorting the Cluster B's - BPD, NPD, ASPD

Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake

Differential Diagnoses of Cluster B Personality Disorders


Sometimes, when we find ourselves involved with an easily enraged person, it is a little difficult to understand exactly what we are dealing with. All the personalities in cluster B exhibit easily-provoked anger and impulsive aggressiveness. Getting away to safety should be our first instinct, but if future interaction with the person is unavoidable, having a better understanding would be helpful. Here are my handy rules-of-thumb for distinguishing the Borderline, the Narcissist and the Psycho/Sociopath.



Danger to Others


pwBPD - least; do most damage to once-closest


pwNPD - moderate; competitive, devious and unscrupulous


pwASPD - very dangerous; potential to damage anyone or anything, anytime (mean/wantonly destructive), expecially when sadistic impulse is also prevalent



Crying vs. Raging


pwBPD usually cry copiously when angry or disappointed, even immediately after a display of rage. -


pwNPD sometimes cry for dramatic effect, but usually just display rage -


pwASPD almost never cry, and sometimes don't even rage. they prefer revenge.



Self-destructive activity


pwBPD harm themselves physically through self-directed violence and love-seeking behaviors, and occasionally harm other peoples' things when disappointed by them, sometimes attack when overwhelmed by emotion


pwNPD lie, and harm other peoples' reputations in order to enhance their own, manipulate


pwASPD routinely and randomly harm other people, animals, and other peoples things, harm themselves through thrill-seeking behaviors that go awry.



Typical Situation That Elicits Lying 


pwBPD - fear (usually of abandonment)


pwNPD - self-aggrandisment or to manipulate another for personal gain


pwASPD - escape punishment for wrong-doing or to manipulate another for personal gain



Apparent Circle of Friends


pwBPD - small, history of relationship catastrophes


pwNPD - large, mostly superficial or sycophant relationships, many admirers and "old flames"


pwASPD - very small closed circle of trauma-bonded relationships, many detractors



Since I usually run the other way when I spot a "drama queen", I have never taken much damage from the Histrionic personality disorder. Consequently, I have not included it here.

Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
note: There are probably a few angry people out there who simply have "anger management issues", without an underlying personality disorder. However, when such a case hits the news, for example in road-rage incidents, mass murders, et cetera, it is usually obvious that there were long-term issues, which culminated in violence. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is not a 'Cluster B' personality disorder, is occasionally a major factor in such incidents.
Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
One of my biggest problems with the Cluster B personality disordered is the warped sense of entitlement that they exhibit. This causes them to belief irrefutably that their emotions, needs, desires, wishes and goals are more important than those of everyone else, and therefore more more deserving of precedence. This leads to demanding things of others that others might be unwilling to give. Rather than accept the others right to refuse, people with a Cluster B PD will often escalate their effort, either by attempting to manipulate the uncooperative person, or even going to the extreme of trying to coerce compliance.

This is one pattern of interaction that often resulted in physical violence in my second marriage. I turned out to be a very poor victim for my spouse to have chosen, because I have personality that is strongly anti-authoritarian.
Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
Most discussions of BPD do not refer to a sense of entitlement. One author suggests that the co-occurrence of BPD and NPD in the same individual was more than 1/3. This could explain some of the cases that I have encountered. However, the fear of abandonment in clinical BPD generates a need for constant attention in that individual. This need in the pwBPD presents itself as a demand for time and consideration from significant others, and one that comes with extreme consequences for non-compliance.
Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
Randi Kreger, the author of "Stop Walking On Eggshells," has a long discussion of differences and similarities between BPD and NPD here:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201112/envy-part-the-definition-narcissistic-disorder

note: It was Kreger who reported the co-occurrence statistic cited in the previous post.
Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
In part 6 of Kregers article, she discusses the different causes of rage in pwNPD and pwBPD.


Blame-Storms and Rage Attacks Common to Borderlines, Narcissists
But differences exist in BPD and NPD anger styles
Published on November 25, 2011 by Randi Kreger in Stop Walking on Eggshells

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201111/blame-storms-and-rage-attacks-common-borderlines-narcissists

One should also be aware that unbridled, inappropriate anger is also sometimes expressed by individuals who have bi-polar disorder.. In these cases, the storm can be triggered by any irritation, while those of the Cluster B-disordered is usually caused by some affront to the ego, i.e. a "narcissitic injury," which, in the pwBPD is often described as "invalidation" by others of the feelings and emotions of the pwBPD.
Group Founderjohnnycake
johnnycake
A pwBPD told me that the rules were "totally unscientific" and that "only a trained professional can diagnose mental illness". I was a tad offended, but chose to not engage. It would not have ended well.
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