"Narcissists are not always borderline disordered (they lack psychotic traits), but Borderlines are always narcissistic, as each lacks capacity for empathy. "

This has been my experience. The BPD I married thought she was very empathetic, but could only relate to other people's problems if they were exactly those she had experienced. Then she was triggered and would require immediate treatment. The other person's pain faded into background noise.

Narcissists really just don't care about anyone else, even if they have learned to behaviorally simulate empathy. In public, they will display lots of sympathy, but when outside the public view, the contempt for weakness will come out.

"A colleague who works almost exclusively with male borderlines, has told me that they generally present as commitment-phobes and sex addicts"

interesting, although the thinking gets a bit murky in what follows:

", which seems logical--for at the very core of borderline pathology, is an attachment issue that starts in infancy, with Mother."

An ambivalent, perhaps even trauma-bonded, relationship with the primary care-giver seems to be an underlying experience of many who suffer from BPD. This could be the Mother, and it could start begin any time during early childhood, I would guess up to the age of 3.

"For simplicity's sake, this piece names the borderline disordered male, Casanova. Seducing women feeds his narcissism, and fills his core emptiness--it's his addiction. Since he can't form solid/healthy attachments, he takes hostages. Make sure you don't become his next prisoner."

I am not really sure what is meant here by taking hostages, or why taking hostages should necessary be a consequence when a man cannot form stable attachments. While extreme jealousy can become a factor in narcissists, who must own everything they see, the BPD patient does not have the security of believing this..

"As with borderline females, this fellow lacks boundaries and impulse control. He could show up at your house or work unannounced, or phone a ridiculous number of times during your day, which will initially be delightful--but you'll later question whether or not he's capable of tolerating time alone. He may be awkward around your friends--especially when they're male. His jealousy might be well hidden, but you can sense his frosty reserve when he meets them. Any individual who takes your attention away from him is perceived as a threat."

Getting more than 3 unsolicited texts in an hour, or 12 in a day is my litmus test for BPD.

In conclusion, the article is not a scientific study, but a series of mostly person anecdotes documented by a licensed professional counselor..While it might help you avoid the next hit from a would-be Casanova, it lacks the rigor to nail it's subject matter.

My husband who is borderline also thinks he is supper empathetic and compassionate but only really relates to the problems that he has gone through. He also gets an ego boost from helping distressed or troubled women, because he gets showered with praise from them or gets hit on by them which gives him even more an ego boost. He has superficial friendships with men and acts like a macho pig around them talking about wanting to have affairs on me and naming names of people he or i know. And females he gets way too close and personal with and acts like the sweetest gentlemen "not trying to get in their pants" but likes when they do hit on him and doesn't deter them from doing so, likes to flirt and have inappropriate conversations with them. Then comes home and tells me he never thinks about other women and never even looks at other women (has said this several times with no prompting from me),tells me he loves me, but is cold and distant and hardly talks to me or wants to do anything with me. He doesn't want me to leave him but constantly talks to his friends about one day saying i'm the greatest wife ever and the very next day says he can't stand me and wants to sleep with other women. He wants his cake and it too, he wants to be married to me but sleep with other women. But knew from the very beginning i'm not going for that and had me believing he wanted a monogamous relationship. I do resent he lied and never told me this because i'd never got involved with him if i knew he didn't want monogamy. He knew this too but lied anyway so he could be with me even though he knew it wasn't going to be enough for him. I've been lied to, manipulated, gas-lighted, and i don't even know who he is because he doesn't even know. He is whatever he thinks people want him to be, so he will be liked. But will do anything to get what he wants or what he thinks makes him happy, including making me feel like i'm unreasonable, dumb, selfish, or that i'm wrong and my reality is wrong. But does it in such and underhanded covert way it's confusing. With regards to his last emotional affair (which i'm still not convinced didn't get physical), when i said i think you guys are way too close and i'm uncomfortable with it and you need to slow it down, not talk all day long every day or spend the night at her house 2 or 3 times a week. He wouldn't say to me your being stupid or your being ridiculous or i will do what i damn well please. He'd say you just don't understand our friendship, why can't you or society except me having a female friend, your just being really insecure right now, i love you and i'd never cheat on you, you don't understand she wants us to be together and if it weren't for her we might not be together because she gives me such good advice, and so on (a lot of praising about her especially). But of course he was getting sexy pics and a nude pic from her. And spending the night at her house when her husband wasn't there. I'm starting to think borderlines maybe way worse then plain narcissists. I didn't know what a borderline was or figured out he was one til 2 months ago and we've been together 10 yrs. If i knew before or had any advice to anybody who meets somebody that has all symptoms of a borderline, i would tell them to run and never look back and be glad you didn't get tangled in the web of lies, love bombing, manipulation, and the tearing down of the very fabric of your sense of self.

Thank you for sharing. I totally agree with you on avoiding relationships with borderlines. They are the roller-coaster rides from hell. Personally, I could not deal with the feeling of being gas=lighted in your situation. Have you considered inviting his friend over for asocial evening, with an attractive male acquaintance of yours to make up a foursome? An outsider's view might help you to throw some light on the relationships.