SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
Hi everyone. 1 year ago, I met my partner through an online dating site. We hit it off and have been together since however...
I've thought about breaking up with him more times than I can count. I should state that he is self aware for the most part, was diagnosed 4 years ago, he takes meds and sees his therapist once a week.
I know all about DBT (so does he) bought him a DBT work book and myself, have read countless books and articles about the illness and how to cope with it.
Based on what I've read, I can't decide if my partner fits the BPD bill or not. Everything I've read says that the BPD person tends to have passionate relationships until of course, you fall off the pedestal. He is not. He has never been. He's divorced after 16 yrs of marriage and has 2 children. He says that basically after the kids were conceived, he didn't have sex with his wife or anyone for that matter, for 10 years AND was perfectly fine with that.
So here I am, thinking this guy will be "normal" and then he told me about the BPD which he didn't explain at the time so I thought he meant bipolar disorder.
In short, it's like being in a relationship with a machine. He doesn't know how to love, show love or affection and there is NO sex life because he has erectile dysfunction that even Cialis can't help.
We're good as friends but I want more and he says he does, too. I made an appointment with a couples therapist who we saw about 3 times. At our last appointment, she pretty much just said I'll never get what I want from him and I should just pack it in.
He's a very kind and gentle soul but he will never be able to give me the kind of relationship I need and deserve. This realization makes me sad because I know that this break up will be extremely difficult for him. I had high hopes. We're both in our 40's and I don't have the luxury of waiting to see if things will change.
Sorry for my ramblings. I wondered if anyone else has had to deal with this in their relationships and if so, how do you cope?
Thanks for reading.
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
From your last paragraph it is clear that you have seen the writing on the wall. Knowing so little about the dynamics, it is hard to suggest any best approach to leaving. People with BPD are the worst at coping with abandonment. She had stated that if I ever left her, she would "hunt me down and kill me." I was able to get out of the relationship by becoming ever less attentive and sympathetic, until she found a replacement. That was the exit criteria for me, and a divorce was quickly proposed and settled.
How do you think he would react if you found other interests and become less available for him? Can you put him into situations where he is pulled away from you? Children can be useful for that. As the parent rebuilds relationships with offspring, a paramour can more easily step out of the picture. I hope things go well for you, and look forward to hearing more.