SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
i am completely moved out. i am only downstairs in a kitty-corner unit, but he is leaving the state in the middle of next month, so we won't really see each other much, and pretty soon not at all...
i feel kind of anxious, had a dream that he slept with someone else and i was throwing red and yukon gold potatoes at him, and he helped me clean them up after i was done. my emotional state feels very similar to when my sister-cousin died. i am still in love with him, and, like death, it doesn't fully make sense why he has to be gone from my life, but he is, now. at least in the sense of our relationship and the part of him that i loved that was beginning to go extinct the longer we stayed together. i borrowed his vacuum cleaner today, and i got to see that sweet part of him again.
anyhow, that's the update on my life. thanks for reading.
i feel kind of anxious, had a dream that he slept with someone else and i was throwing red and yukon gold potatoes at him, and he helped me clean them up after i was done. my emotional state feels very similar to when my sister-cousin died. i am still in love with him, and, like death, it doesn't fully make sense why he has to be gone from my life, but he is, now. at least in the sense of our relationship and the part of him that i loved that was beginning to go extinct the longer we stayed together. i borrowed his vacuum cleaner today, and i got to see that sweet part of him again.
anyhow, that's the update on my life. thanks for reading.
he can still be pretty sick and not love me. so i don't know what to believe.
i'm so burnt out on this city. i've been here forever. he gets to leave and i get to wait 6 months before i leave so i can do the self-prescribed "finding myself." i'm really a mess right now.
thanks for the hugs. i need them!
When you said "the ambiguity of the situation makes me wonder if i am desperately chasing someone who doesn't love me or if the person i love so much is just very sick and says some pretty fucked up things but still really loves me" that is exactly how I feel, SO much.
I haven't eaten for days, I have to force myself but every time I try I start crying and feel like throwing up. Most days I just wake up and howl. I don't know what to believe either, I know exactly how you feel. There are things they say that we wish they would just take back, or that we could un-remember. I'm so sorry he's leaving. You are being much stronger than I. I fled across the country to stay with family, leaving him behind with my cats. THEY are my family, what am I doing here. When I think about it I just start sobbing.
it's a struggle not to drink the pain away, but my dreams of getting the hell out of san diego are pretty good at keeping me from spending the money on booze. i honestly get afraid, sometimes, that i could drink myself to death if i let go, but the realization that if i did so would mean i would never have pursued any of my dreams and would just die in this sweaty armpit we like to call paradise keeps me on the right track.
dynamical, don't worry about your sporadic responses! i'm glad to hear from you any time, and it's important that you are doing great things with that great brain of yours!