SOBs Significant Others of Borderlines Community Group
Spouses and family members of people who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often victims of violent behavior, and frequent physical and emotional abuse . There is typically conflict in the relationship and in the individuals who are committed to maintaining the relationship in the presence of this disorder.
even though i may think (emphasis on think) that my problems-- my emotional and internal dysfunctions-- may not be all that bad, i'm realizing that in order to be in a relationship with a pwbpd i need to seriously work on them. so i have to maintain a level of self-confidence and reassurance while striving to better myself. doesn't sound all that bad, really, now that i look at it in writing. but then there's also that world of compromise where i have to ask myself, is it worth it?
here's a little list of some of the changes i must make. i'm hoping other members will share their experiences as well:
-dress in a way in which he does not feel threatened
-learn to allow other people to be upset without trying to diffuse the situation
-do not spend time alone with platonic male friends (not willing to compromise family members in this case, though it has been brought up by him in moments of anger)
-learn to set reasonable boundaries while still validating feelings and not blaming (have no clue how to do this yet!)
-patience, patience, patience, and do not battle with him about his feelings
here's a little list of some of the changes i must make. i'm hoping other members will share their experiences as well:
-dress in a way in which he does not feel threatened
-learn to allow other people to be upset without trying to diffuse the situation
-do not spend time alone with platonic male friends (not willing to compromise family members in this case, though it has been brought up by him in moments of anger)
-learn to set reasonable boundaries while still validating feelings and not blaming (have no clue how to do this yet!)
-patience, patience, patience, and do not battle with him about his feelings
i keep forgetting that i have to put a patience restraint on my hopefulness that things will improve. i have heard from a couple sources, now, that setting an emotionally mature example can help. but even tonight, when he felt that i disrespected him, and i listened and expressed understanding for his feelings, even came to an agreement on how to prevent this kind of situation in the future, i still had to hear him tell me several times that he felt like i had crossed a boundary. it could be that because i am not fighting back that he is expecting that i should (according to Lerner), so maybe this will eventually change. but, really, i wonder if it will? and am i cool with it if it doesn't?