Over and over and over I've heard, in this forum and others, people saying "I slipped and can't face the group because I've let you all down."

YOU
HAVE
NOT
LET
US
DOWN
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You slipped. Now is the time you need us the most. For a support group to do its function, you have to be here and be honest with us so we can do our jobs. Being here and being honest is YOUR job. Without you, we might as well be out fishing.

I've seen a lot of slips from tiny one-puff oopses, to full blown pack-a-day-for-years relapses, and everything in between. What I've learned is they all have commonalities, and they all tend to invoke the same emotional reactions.

So let's examine the anatomy of this dastardly thing we so fear and that causes so much shame within us.

When we first quit, we go into it with a mixture (in varying degrees) of excitement at a new beginning, promise for a healthier lifestyle, trepidation of what we will encounter, and a fear of failure. Then the first crave hits and we suddenly discover the first inklings of the reality we have gotten ourselves into. But we marshal ourselves and press on. We speak to our support group and friends sometimes with concern and sometimes with great bravado, and we imply promises that we will succeed.

And then something happens. Usually it is stress, second to that is alcohol, and sometimes we don't have a clue how it happened, but we find ourselves with a cig in our hands and smoke in our lungs. It at once feels great and is horrid. Some will exhale, crush the cig and move on with the quit, bit some will say "to hell with it" and relapse.

Either way, all the hope, the excitement, and the promises vanish right into the air. Thoughts are of all those people who have been pulling for us and we feel we cannot face them, our shame is so great. So instead of "facing the music", "manning up", and a host of other cliches, we slink off with out tails between our legs and figure they will figure it out on their own.

The whacked part is, we do it even after we've seen others do it themselves, and know what really goes on after the leaving. Worry, concern, immense caring, and sadness that they may have "lost" someone. "But that was for the others, not for me." Yeah, right.

Here's something you need to understand. You are not trying to break a bad habit like biting your nails or picking your nose. This is drug addiction you are dealing with. Just because it's legal and commonplace does not make it any less so. In fact, it is the most potent drug addiction there is. Heroin addicts have it easier. Crack addicts have it easier. Get that through your skull and ponder it for a while.

It is only natural for slips and relapses to occur. In fact, the slip-less recovery is the oddity. I read in a lay-counseling book on addiction recovery that the counselor should question an apparent slip-less recovering addict to ascertain the person's truthfulness. I'm not that cynical, nor do I advise anyone to become so, but it illustrates how common slips and relapses are.

So, if you should slip, come here and tells us. You won't be chastised, you won't be teased, you won't be humiliated, and we won't kick you out. OK, maybe some tough love proponent will be a little hard on you, but if that happens, remember the second word in "tough love".

What you will find is a group of people who understand what you're up against (isn't that why you came here in the first place?), who will put their arms around you, and will help you back onto your road to recovery in your own time. You don't have to fess up about why you slipped unless you choose to share. So long as you know what happened, even if what happened is "I have no idea what happened."

Let us help. That's why we are here.