Slips and relapses happen. What is important is that you do not give up in your quest to be free of nicotine. How you acheive that goal, what path you take, is secondary. I hope you enjoy this. Bless your hearts.



The Journey
2008 Shevlin Ryan, Wholistiquit.com

Once upon a time, a man began a journey. He wasn't sure exactly where it would lead him, or how long it would take to get there, or what he would encounter along the way. All he knew was that he desired the journey. He gathered his supplies, as best he could predict what he would need, loaded himself up, and set off down the path.

At first he experienced a variety of things, some exciting and some downright painful. As he walked along the path, every bend and every rise revealed something new and exciting. He encountered things hed never seen or even dreamed of before. Sometimes it seemed as though even the very air he breathed was changing and he marveled at it all. But it wasn't all enjoyable. There were some challenges the man faced on his new journey. He wasn't used to walking so much. His feet developed blisters and his leg muscles would ache and sometimes spasm. He wasn't used to carrying such a load either, so his back and arms grew tired. Occasionally, as he was trudging up a rise he would momentarily forget about the wonders that waited him on the other side and long for the comfort of the familiar and easy surroundings he had left behind. Sometimes he would want to drop his burdens and abandon his journey. These thoughts nagged at him, sometimes screamed at him inside his head. But then he would remember why he was there, trudging along, and he would set his focus on the top of the rise. He would say to himself, "I will make this crest, then I will decide to continue or not." Invariably, when he reached the top of the next rise, what unfolded before him was so amazing that he would forget his blisters and sore muscles, and continue on in his journey.

Sometimes, as he was climbing particularly steep rises, he would lose his footing and slip back. There were potholes along the path which he would sometimes step in as he was mesmerized by the scenery. Once, the path curved as he was enjoying a scene in the sky and he actually walked right off the path and slipped into the marsh that was along side. All this was very frustrating to the man, who believed that only continued forward progress indicated success. Each incident weighed heavily upon him and he would consider himself a failure on each one. They built upon each other until the man, upon seeing an obstacle, would feel great trepidation and anticipate another "failure". Finally, as he was warily eyeing yet another steep and rocky incline he was approaching, he failed to see the pothole. He stumbled and fell; his gear landing all around him. This was the hardest fall of all, resulting in knees and palms skinned and a slight bump on his head. He pulled himself into a sitting position, looked at his injuries and his scattered belongings, then the path beneath him. He fell into a great despair and began sobbing. "I can't do this! I can't go on! It's too hard. I'm not good enough. I'm too weak and clumsy for this journey. I should abandon it, go back home, and maybe someday I'll be more prepared."

After a few minutes of this, he looked at the pothole that tripped him. There was nothing special about it. It was a hole in the ground, just like all the others. He looked around at the other ones as well. Why had this one gotten him when the others had not? Then he realized what had happened. His focus had been on the next rise, the next difficulty he saw coming, in the future. His focus had not been where it needed to be, right in front of him, in the present moment. Had he been looking at the now instead of the future, he wouldn't have stumbled. His injuries were his own fault.

The man climbed back to his feet, gathered his belongings together and once again set out along his path. He came to the next rise and surveyed what lay before him, this time not with eyes of worry and fear, but with eyes of truth and light. What he saw was a path up a steep rise covered in loose debris. There were no footholds or steps to help with the climb. It was a dangerous and difficult place, no doubt. But then he saw that it was, in truth, no more difficult than anything else he'd already done. So he set out, up the rise. Slowly, carefully, remembering his recent lesson, he watched his feet and let the summit come to him as he placed one foot in front of the other.

After a time, the slope leveled. The man looked up from his feet and gasped at the beauty that surrounded him. He sat down and gazed in wonder for a while. Then he looked back down to where he'd come from. The bottom of the rise and the pothole he'd stumbled in were easily seen. But the further back on the path, the less visible it was. In fact, even though he'd been gone only a short time, the early days of his journey seemed a lifetime ago and a world away. Thinking back over the path he'd traveled he remembered his early excitement and early aches and pains. "Oh, my!" he thought. Looking at the bottoms of his feet, he found calluses where there had once been painful blisters. Then he realized his muscles hadn't hurt since, , well, he couldn't remember since when. Ah, a new marvel of this journey came to him. He was in much better shape. His self-confidence was better, his courage was stronger, and he felt he could do just about anything.

He remembered the time he had walked off the path and into the marsh. Recalling his frustration and self-pity (and how he must have looked), he chuckled. Too bad he didn't know then what lay ahead, what he was seeing right now. He thought again about how he'd felt like a failure when something happened that appeared to be a setback and realized that, even with the setbacks, here he was. Right here, right now. How could he have been a failure back then and still be here now? Again he chuckled, this time at his foolishness and naivety.

He thought of the forks he'd encountered and the worry he'd felt when he made a choice that perhaps he was going the wrong way. Now he knew that there was no wrong way. If he hadn't ended up on this summit, he would be on another. But he'd still be this far in his journey, even if in a different spot. Then it occurred to him that it isn't how you get there, what path you take, or how long you spend, but the fact that you stick to it no matter what happens. Looking at the beauty surrounding him and his newly discovered self, he realized how close he'd come to abandoning it all before. What a shame that would have been, to lose all this and never know it.

Looking down the other side of the rise, the direction his path led, he saw more rises, more forks, and more potholes. In some places there was marsh surrounding the path, in others sheer drops. More dangers, more places to exercise caution. But he now looked upon them with a new confidence that they were no worse than what he'd encountered before, when he was in less condition to handle them. Yet here he was, perfect, whole and complete.

The man gathered his belongings, noticing how much easier they were to carry now. As he started off down the rise he realized that this was another beginning on his journey. He also realized the truth of his journey. That it would never end, but be one new beginning after another. "And that is how it should be" he thought to himself.