Old and lonely, no family, few friend and in the throes of recuperating.

Three weeks ago I have an almost fatal bicycle accident that interrupted my weekly routines. No I am faced with many unrelated issues about my place in life. I am about to become 66 and did not have any children in my marriage of 17 years ago to a women who became bi-polar and was infertile. Now I am experiencing a deep loneliness and feel as if no one would care if I were to die. I miss the kind of deep friendship that had many years ago as a college student. I recently decided that the relationship I had with my ex-wife where she and I would have weekly phone conversations which was behind her current husband's back were only perpetuating old trends that did little to help our relationship. She had a habit of sequestering herself in an upstairs bedroom to read or have long talks with her friends to solve both or their problems. I only recently became aware that this was a problem preventing me for growing. I have been told that men do not make meaningful friend easily. To this end I have not made any friendships that allow me to talk about the inner tings that bother me.

Finances, which is a problem for most here that deal with mental health issues have always been an issue for me. Now that I am on disability and have managed to figure out ways to get by on little income and curb my "lust" for things, I thought my problems with finance would be over. I realize that the expenses of my recent 3 week hospitalization will now be covered by Medicare or my supplemental insurance. Am I supposed to be OK with unpaid medical

debt? This runs counter to what my long deceased parents taught and does not fit with the American dream of working hard and everything will be provide for you. The current political climate is also playing hard on my soul. I accept that my mother taught me too well about anxiety/depression but for what ever reason I did not get "hate". This was an important attribute for growing up in the 60s. Now it seems that it is 1964 again and America has not grown. Russia is still our enemy, racial strife is still in our headlines and candidates that preach hate still gain followers.

I know this is rambling at this point but this is how I feel. I feel that I have accomplished nothing in life because I have no one to talk to. Being alone, I am told, is a disease of old age. I did not know that I would live to regret not having children who would listen and care for what I have to say. I need to try to establish a relationship with a significant other for reason on communication and I haven't learned yet that these things do not happen on request.

I am feeling very alone and un-needed if anyone out there has felt any of the things I have talked a out please give validation to my thoughts by letting me know that I am not alone. I am not a suicide risk because I learned to add distractions to my life that help. Volunteering to talk to ICU patients and reading have filled voids in my life. Those activities are suspended for a couple of weeks due to my having to overcome a stroke type of head injury due to my bike accident. Just looking for was to occupy myself gainfully in getting an OK life back.