Single parenting IS hard. Don't be jealous of her relationship with her father. It's because he doesn't have to enforce any rules. You don't have to send her to her father, just expect that you are going to experience friction. I believe that all daughters need their mothers. She may resent you if you send her away. Just try not to react to her arguing and walk away. Best of luck! I have a 14 y/o daughter and we argue alot too.....especially when she doesn't get her way.

Yes, don't be jealous of her relationship with her dad because men, in general, tend to look at important things as being trivial. Thereby, the child/children tend to get their own way. And, that DOES NOT qualify as better parenting.

It's great that she told u she loves you. You must be doing something right. She may have a good relationship with her dad, but it's not that great enough for her to want to go & live with him.

More importantly, a Dad can't train a girl into being a lady & a Mom can't train her son to be a man.

It is extremely hard!! My oldest daughter is 28 and since she was 2 I have been on my own with her. Then at age 36 I thought I had met a great guy, ended up pregnant and he was a jerk. So with an 11 year old daughter I found myself on my own still! And now having another daughter. She is now 17 and life is fabulous.

But at one point my oldest (whose father lived out of state) when she was 15 was giving me a run for my money. I worked all the time, was having some health issues, and had a 4 year old.

She spent summers with her father out of state and that summer,,,,,,, I bought her a one way ticket and told her she was not coming home. It broke my heart when I walked out of that airport. But when the summer was over she called and asked to please come home. I allowed her to and I have never had another ounce of trouble from her. She is now 28 and my true best friend.
It was hard but needed.

Children realize we are doing it all alone and they try to wear us down and break us. Stay grounded, tell her you love her, and pray about whats best. She will come around and once she is at her dads full time and he has to become the bad guy, she will see that he is not all "fun".

she will come home!!!

Thank you so much for your support. I know I have to be doing something right for her not to want to go. But I really feel like we are headed for more problems as she hits her teen years. All this fighting reminds me of her dad and I before we separated. It makes me real sad.

Hi,

10 is a difficult age. I don't know your situation but I'm going to share from my own experience and I hope this can help.

When my son and I get into a discussion I use three phrases:
What did you expect?
What do you need?
How do you think you can get what you need?

A lot of the time he can't answer and sometimes shouts and lets everything out. So I listen and validate him. This soothes his emotions. The questions come next. These help him to break down his frustrations and find out what he needs. We take it from there. Most times he needs to say his peace and have it acknowledged. But it's hard for kids to know exactly what it is that's bugging them. If he doesn't know then I set boundaries to stop him taking it out on me or others, go walk the dog, do a chore, go to bed early etc, go work it out and come back when you can communicate better.

These are a few practices we have used to help us communicate:
Goal pyramid- At the top write what he needs, then break down what he needs to do to get there and break down those until it's a manageable points. Diaries, buy two books and decorate the covers together. Then write what it is you have going on, what's on your mind, anything you find hard to say face to face. Leave it for each other before bed. Nice comments always first as these are absorbed the strongest. I.e I'm so proud of you for doing well in your spelling test, I enjoyed spending time with you today I hope we can do it again soon, I would like to make you a cake tomorrow I would love your help. But you can also say, it would be helpful if you could tidy your room more often, I don't want to disturb your belonging but I find it hard to dust as the rooms is now. I would appreciate if you would put your clothes in the laundry basket, it makes it easier for me to get the job done quicker as it's a chore I don't like to do.

I sometimes feel like I'm not a great Mum so I talk to people when I feel like I want my son to be away from me. It comes from a place in me where I don't feel like I a good enough Mum so I push him away. But I am his Mum and no one could be that for him but me. It's not his fault I feel like this, it's because of my past experiences.

Single parent life is hard but the hardest of all is asking for help, that's when it gets easier.

I hope this helps, take care, don't be hard on yourself, you obviously want what's best, it's just working out what that is.

It is extremely hard being a single parent. I am a single parent myself of 9 year old boy. He is bipolar, ADHD, and has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and when he was 5 years old I sent him to live with his dad. Not because he was bad or anything but because he lived in a very good school district and I wanted for him to get the best education that I saw fit for my son. Anyways I felt like I was the worst mother in the entire world but I knew that I as doing the right thing for him.

As a single parent just know that you are doing what you feel is in their best interest. She won't see it now but later on down the road I'm talking about years later she will see that you did what you knew in your heart to be the right decision for her at that moment in time. She may tell you that she hates you. I feel if your child tells you at least once in their life that they hate you then you are doing what you know as a mother to be the right choice for your child.

My son tells me all the time that he hates me but that also tells me that I am doing what I know is the right choice and what is in his best interest. But now I have regained full custody of my son again.

well im not a great parent. but i am a single dad. 5 years since the divorce and i have had custody the entire time, their mom has standard visitation. so my 2 cents. and i say this with all the irony of often violating my own advice. the problem i see in your wording and what that reveals about your situation is that you keep using the word friends..."they have a friendship type relationship" "we would not become friends" "we're friends" etc. stop thinking along those lines. you are not her peer and should not attempt to be. you her mom. kick ass and take names. she may not always like you, but she damn will respect you. and she will be better for it.

one thing as a parents we must understand that were not our children friends, friends will comfort them, lie to them, condone behaviors that are not up to our standards. we as the parent are here to raise them correctly, to prevent them from making our same mistakes and showing them by example charactersitcs they should have in them that we show in ourselves. never feel bad for not feeling like their friend, just continue being a parent, shes already 10 that means you've been doing great

There is so much good advice here, so many good parents here. I love how Danny put it though, "Kick ass and take names". It's a cruel world, and you are training her for real life. If she respects you then you will have a peaceful existence, dare I say enjoyable. But not to expect a friendship. And don't discount what you mean to her in the grand scheme of things by thinking sending her off will be a better option. Being a single parent is hard work. You matter in her life and are there to serve a specific purpose.

Single parenting, by its very definition, is hard.

Parenting is hard work, whether single or not, but when you're single you feel like your swimming alone sometimes. Stay strong and remember you are your daughter's parent first. She loves you but kids will say things at times to push your buttons and get a reaction. Even if it hurts, don't give her the reaction that she wants. I am a single mother to a 12 year old boy and he loves to say things that he feels will "get a rise out of me."

I have to agree with everyone who stated single parenting being hard...it is but, it can be so rewarding. The "challenging times" you are experiencing with your daughter is normal-especially at that age. As she gets older her body changes with hormones all over the place. Trust me, it's gonna test you.....but remember, cute little baby girls grow into trying teenagers who transform into beautiful ladies who will eventually know exactly what their mom went through....:) I think that's how I keep smiling, knowing their will be a time when my three daughters will become moms!
Keep your head up and smile big, you got this!