Single Parenting Support Group

Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.

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misstik333 03/05/2007

I apologize for the duplication. I think I posted this under the wrong discussion tab...

Our four year old daughter is aware that my stbx husband isn't sleeping at home. When and how is a good time/way to tell her that he won't be living with us and that she and I will be living in a new home once we sell our current one?

I just don't know how to approach it and what should be or shouldn't be said. We are remaining amicable, especially around her so we would be doing this together.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

Meeko's Mommy

deleted_user 03/21/2007

Tell her honestly but gently. She doesn't need to know any details. But she does need honesty.

deleted_user 03/22/2007

I completely agree with JerryW. You need to tell her dad is gonna live somewhere else, but he is still gonna be her dad. Then just answer her questions, age appropriate, as SHE asks them. Good luck.

deleted_user 03/25/2007

My therapist and I came up with a scripted response to my 4 year-old's questions. She usually asks why daddy can't live with us anymore. I just tell her that mommies and daddies don't always live together, but that we both still love her and we both get to spend time with her.

Therapist also said to constantly reassure her. Even though her dad won't be with you and you'll be getting a new house, she'll still have a home (2 homes, in fact if she will have visitation with her father) and she'll keep all of her toys, etc. She can't hear enough that she is loved by everyone. Involve her in decorating her new room. Maybe get her excited about the move.

deleted_user 03/31/2007

I wasn't married to my son real dad, and he was almost 2 years old when I left him. I told him that mommy and daddy don't get along very well together, so we are not going to be living together anymore, but he would still get to see his dad and we both loved him very much. I don't know if this helps or not.

deleted_user 04/02/2007

I agree with Jerry too. My daughter was 2, my son 3 months at the time, so it wasn't a terrible shock for them. When my daughter asked where he was, I simply (and VERY lightheartedly) told her that he was at work or "He's at home at Daddy's house'. No more than that. She tells me now that (she's 3 now) she wants Daddy to come stay at home with us. I tell her that Daddy and Mommy are happy in our own houses, and Daddy is happy to have her and baby brother come stay with him. That usually does it. Children are resilient and take most things in stride. Trying to explain a complicated situation will only confuse them. Keep it simple and up-beat. Think about what you're going to say now so that you don't have to hedge around your responses. =)
The questions will get tougher as they get older so be prepared, but always keep it simple and light. Kids usually figure the rest out themselves (or so some of my friends tell me).
Hope that helps.

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