Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
Hi everyone! My son is 3, and I'm a single mom. Without going into all the gory details, I'll just say that his father is emotionally abusive toward me, and has begun to do the same to his son. He has had one incident of physical abuse to his son. He sees his son for three hours at a time, three nights a week. He's in daycare full time, while I work, and he's doing extremely well there.
This arrangement has been in place for a few months now. I'm thinking that my boy's behavior is a reflection of this change.
Here's the problem: my son seems hostile to me. He hits, gives me attitude, etc. I am very calm with him, put him in time out, etc., but nothing seems to be working. He also gets aggressive with our two dogs, which I don't tolerate. I don't hit him or yell at him. Yesterday we went to a halloween party with his daycare friends. I was the only single parent. Fin and his little friend got into several grabbing matches over toys. I separated my son from his friend, brought him into another room, and explained that we share and etc. etc. I told him we'd have to leave if he continued the behavior. This happened 3 times. The third time, Fin hit the kid with a closed fist in the chest. I was absolutely mortified.
I probably should have taken him out, but I was embarrassed and didn't want to cause a scene. I'm a confident, independent woman most of the time, but sometimes I feel like I'm personally representing ALL single parents out there and I don't want people to think I can't handle it. Somehow, all my confidence just melts away. I feel like a complete failure. I couldn't decide whether taking him out was too harsh a punishment. I didn't want anyone to see the inevitable chaotic tantrum if i DID try to take him out. And I wanted him to play with his friends! It was a horrible, depressing feeling for me. What is going on? Is this normal kid behaviour? Why does it seem like my kid is the only one acting like this? In hindsight, I guess 3 grabs and one hit in three hours in a houseful of 3-year olds isn't too bad, but it felt bad to me.
Please help!
Beth.
This arrangement has been in place for a few months now. I'm thinking that my boy's behavior is a reflection of this change.
Here's the problem: my son seems hostile to me. He hits, gives me attitude, etc. I am very calm with him, put him in time out, etc., but nothing seems to be working. He also gets aggressive with our two dogs, which I don't tolerate. I don't hit him or yell at him. Yesterday we went to a halloween party with his daycare friends. I was the only single parent. Fin and his little friend got into several grabbing matches over toys. I separated my son from his friend, brought him into another room, and explained that we share and etc. etc. I told him we'd have to leave if he continued the behavior. This happened 3 times. The third time, Fin hit the kid with a closed fist in the chest. I was absolutely mortified.
I probably should have taken him out, but I was embarrassed and didn't want to cause a scene. I'm a confident, independent woman most of the time, but sometimes I feel like I'm personally representing ALL single parents out there and I don't want people to think I can't handle it. Somehow, all my confidence just melts away. I feel like a complete failure. I couldn't decide whether taking him out was too harsh a punishment. I didn't want anyone to see the inevitable chaotic tantrum if i DID try to take him out. And I wanted him to play with his friends! It was a horrible, depressing feeling for me. What is going on? Is this normal kid behaviour? Why does it seem like my kid is the only one acting like this? In hindsight, I guess 3 grabs and one hit in three hours in a houseful of 3-year olds isn't too bad, but it felt bad to me.
Please help!
Beth.
birdiebliss
one more thing: he has never had an incident with hitting or fighting with another kid at daycare.
deleted_user
Your son is 3. That is around the time that kids start the not sharing again. They don't know howto handle their feelings on things going on and tend to mimic things around them. My boys have done and are still doing the samething. Finding out that mine are because of other problems not just something they can control. In the process though, I have found about therapy and play groups for kids as young as 2 to help them find ways to handle changes in their life. Even things as simple as a new class at school is hard for some to handle. I started with my boys doing the eye for and eye. (Not as hard as they did it) I found out they didn't know that it hurt or hurt feeling till they had it done to them. Really surprised them when I yelled back. I don't do it as a punishment but to let them know that person feeling on the other side.
birdiebliss
Thanks, momtofour! I don't mean to sound evil, but I'm kind of glad to know it's NOT just my kid. I like what you said about them not knowing that their actions cause pain to the other kid. I'll think about this one. So you say that they go through another non-sharing phase at this age? So, all the work I've done to get him to share up till now will have to go into overdrive? He was doing so well before this!!!
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