I was married for 18 years. I met my ex when we were teenagers.  I did very little dating before him and have only ever slept with him.  He was emotionally neglectful and abusive towards me and our children (his patterns were similar to those of my parents, so I just always thought it was  my fault).  I am in counseling and recovering fairly well.  We are still in the middle of divorcing, but he has always seemed to have one foot out the door and has been talking about divorce for 2 years (even though I was only able to get him to move out about 5 months ago, I had to threaten him with calling the police and now he doesn't want to discuss terms for a divorce settlement).  Anyway, the point is that I have been emotionally alone for a long time and feel almost ready to get out there and look for someone who will love and appreciate and accept me for who I am and be a good role model for my sons.  My kids are literally asking me to start dating because they "want someone to be nice to you and help you and make you happy because papá was too mean." I feel like I have a lot to offer and a lot to gain from a healthy relationship with the right guy, but how do I go about finding him without overly exposing myself and my kids to creeps in nice guy masks?  How do I keep us emotionally safe and secure?