Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
My X has told our girls they can cheer this fall after trying to talk them out of it bc he will lose friday nights with them (games are on Sat and he lives an hour away), they really want to cheer so he consented. Yet he still argues with me that it's not fair, it's taking his time. Of course he waits until after I've registered them and paid the registration fee. After 3 weeks of telling them ok, he still tells me they misunderstood (as he is always saying I misunderstand), he said he told them he would think about it. When does it end? So now it's not just me misunderstanding him? It's also the kids?
Good luck to you, and know that as your kids age they will see their father for who he is.
Try to not let it get to you and put everything in writing!
Everything is in writing in emails, but of course his replies are always vague and I am always the one to misinterpret everything. I want to so badly show my kids these emails one day when they are grown and mature adults to let them know how he treated me, but I know how deeply it would hurt them. And as a mother, I guess I will just bear that burden.
Yeah I get 2 nights, but I also get DOUBLE the noise, mess, & all the sibling rivalry that come with having TWO kids (plus they are the younger ones & are boys! Lol) & so I feel I deserve an extra night off!
If you ask me, he has it EASY!
I'd take my daughter more, but like I said, there is a lot of turmoil in the house when she is with her brothers. Besides, she has friends & grandparents' houses she can go to.
I said all this to basically say that he said his job will likely take him to Texas next year & he talked to our daughter about moving there with him, but told her that he wants to wait for her to come if he gets transferred in the middle of the school year because it will be too confusing then. What?? I'm sorry, but I just can't help thinking this is just his way of trying to weasel out of taking her at all. What other custodial parent would say/do that?!
I'm glad for you, that your ex was mercifully taken & that you don't have to deal with him & his ways anymore. :)
But just on a friendly note, as someone who was also in the evangelical world, I need to say that God does not always deliver the "righteous." I suffered with my ex for 17 years, mostly bc my church leadership, fellow Christians, & what I read in the bible commanded me so (divorcing for "merely" emotional abuse was not considered "biblical grounds" for leaving). No offense inteneded here, but God did not deliver me, I delivered myself left. And I am still not delivered from his Narcissistic ways-and I was a VERY DEVOUT follower of Christ. Im just saying to tell you to please be careful when you say such things, bc I know you mean well, but it hurts those who have not been delivered...as if they are not "righteous." And also, that can be a false promise I found, as many, MANY Christians non-Christians alike are never released from their sufferings, no matter what they be from.
I am sorry & I don't mean to offend if I have, but I guess I myself felt a little offended reading that. I hope you understand, & again, I am happy for you that you are truly free.
I know there is alot of pain there after feeling that you have done all you can do as a devout christian. But the word does say that he has never seen the righteous forsaken. Now Im not sure what doctrine you are under to have stayed in such a marriage...meaning that not all "christian" doctrine is God's doctrine. Next what gives me more reason is that you say you delivered yourself left, not God. He created you, so how is that possible? So although you might be a little offended by ineedhope's post, but God may feel the same way about yours. Not sure why God has allowed you to still be affected by your ex's ways or even how it's continuing. but considerd what I've said and I do hope I've provided a little insight or glimmer of hope...
I TOTALLY feel like that all the time. And the same thing, i always "misinterpret" things. The thing is, you signed them up and now they get to do what they want to do. As they get older or have more friends activities, they'll want to spend time closer to home. Its normal. The parent who lives far away needs to be flexible to their childrens needs. I tried for a long time to get my child to do what she was supposed to do to enhance her relationship with her dad. I sent her there when she didnt want to go, I mediated when they had problems (which was all the time). And it only made her resentful and it made their relationship worse. I think its important to just let it play out.
Sadly, I suggest you let your kids figure it all out for themselves. Maybe he'll get it together and be less selfish and more of a focused parent, i hope this for you and your girls. If hes anything like my ex, he wont change in time for your kids not to realize this for themselves. I dont know how old your girls are but I would advice against saving the emails. Your ex is your kids parent. And whatever relationship he chooses to have with them, I think its important not to get in the way of that.
When they are older, adults? maybe? and they come to you with questions, you tell them what it was like. But saving the emails seems like you'd really be doing yourself hurt by keeping them. Keeping them would just be holding onto the negative energy that surrounds them. Maybe thats a bit new-agey. But you dont need to hold on to his negativity, if that makes sense.
In response to the question, i dont know when it ends. But I think that dealing with it gets easier.
Thank you for your kind intentions. That was sweet. But for reasons other than just being hurt, I am not even a Christian anymore. I've just seen too many "scriptures" be untrue. No matter what the "word" says, there have been MANY righteous people forsaken & left to suffer, not just in bad marriages, but in all sorts of circumstances. It's just the facts....maybe this is a conversation for another place than here. I don't want to argue about religion. I just wanted to tell the other woman to maybe be a bit sensitive about saying such things. Please don't try to re-convert me. Thanks.
It does seem that the unrighteous can get away with much and the righteous bear the burden..I've felt like that before. Yes there is a site and forum for religious discussions..of course. I agree we do not need to argue and I hope I didnt imply that I wanted to with you. I am a christian so mind you, I'm not God nor Christ Jesus, therefore I do not make the conversions. Thanks..wish you well.