Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
I guess maybe that title sounds selfish but I assure you it's not. I have tried to talk to people about the obstacles I face but I don't personally know anyone that really understands. There are so many convoluted levels and layers to my situation and I am sure that every bit of it is a big factor but I am not ready to share everything.
I have a 5 year old son. He is awesome. His dad is not really in the picture. He maybe comes around a couple times a year but even if he was willing or interested in helping out sometimes i wouldn't really trust him to watch our son. My sister and I don't speak and the only help I get from my mother is financial. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that but what I want more is for someone to be there to help emotionally support me. I have some mental health stuff, nothing severe but just enough to be a problem sometimes. So I find myself in situations where I get really sad or stressed and I can't process it. I can't curl up and cry, I can't spend a day in bed, I can't go sit in the sunshine and just be alone. Or go have coffee with a friend and let it out. I have to bury it, no matter how big or small because I have to take care of my boo. I am not saying I bury all emotion, it's the big stuff. The stuff that really needs to be addressed that i end up burying because I can not and will not break down when I have the important task of caring for my son. I have friends but no one that I hang out with. It's just me and him. I have trouble meeting people. I cant do stuff like join a kickball team because I have him. I don't resent him for it. But i am starting to resent my friends and family. I guess I just want to know there are other people out there who have similar problems. How do you find time to practice self care when you don't have a real life support system?
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I have 3 kids. 24. 17. 15. My 17 yr old has become super defiant. He and his 15 yr old sister have on their own decision stopped going to their dads because he and his household is so toxic.My 15 yr old and myself feel like we have to tip toe around my son who is 17. And physically towers over us and out weighs us. He has become emotionally abusive and on the verge of becoming physically...
I guess the right answer is supposed to be that you get a babysitter but I haven't been able to do that in years I know I sometimes get a break when my son is in school and yours will be soon if he's five my mindset is like quite a bit older so so there's that to look forward to .
but this subject has always been an issue for me and it is quite a challenge.
Is there a moms of preschoolers group in your area or maybe if you're working and your child is in child care may be other parents that the child care could be real so you guys could trade babysitting or something . maybe those are some options for you.
I can tell you you're definitely not alone in experiencing this and I hope you find a way to catch a break soon.
Best wishes.
of supportive people is what we all need. Can you take your son to the park and maybe meet some other moms? Does he play T-ball or soccer? Be a soccer mom and meet other moms in the same position. Can you volunteer at his school? Even a church is a great place to meet some moms..... and it will all happen naturally! Listen, as you get out there, you will be surprised how fast a support team will grow! Soon you will have time to properly take care of yourself! Please know I care.....
I too am a single mom, a first time single mom of a beautiful little girl who will be 2 on the 15th of this month. Her father has not been involved I can count on one hand how many times he has seen her, in her 24 months of life. I only went to school full time for the last 10 months, I just finished on March 17th. I did it full time and only collected unemployment. Working until the table less than part time..and then working once during holiday season for a jewelry store. Literally was hired only for the season. I had a "HUGE' amount of stress about paying bills everyday for the last 10 months. BUT I made it. I walk across that stage in May. I also found a full time job already I started right after my last day of class. I started on March 20th.
I only have daycare to rely on so I can only work during day..which is why I went back to school. SO I could work in a doctors office mon- fri weekends off. I do have my Mom..but she herself lives on of disability so not enough money for her to help me with money. She does help here and there to babysit but she can not do that all the time. I do have a sister who is also on disability works part time in retail and raised three girls who are now adults but they do can not help me as much as I would like..one works..one in college and the other in her last year of high school.
I have many child hood friends who to this day at the of 34 I still have in my life. Very lucky and blessed to have them. One of them her and her husband are my daughters god parents. BUT the thing is she lives an hour away from me out of state, with two kids of her own. She can not help me or be there for me the way I would love her to be or how she wants to be. My other three best friend are also out of our area we all grew up in withe 2 to 3 kids of their own. I do also have others in the area but they too, have many kids themselves work during the day and can not be around as much as I would like.
With all that being said..I will tell you I am NOT at all alone. But I feel that way all of the time. Truly and really I do. Because at the end of the day, all I have is me and my daughter. It truly is a struggle emotionally and mentally. I NEVER have alone time. I really do not...my daughter and I the bond we have is REAL...She is very close to me. That if and when I do have the time to be alone..and find someone to babysit...WELL she does NOT allow it. That is how much her and I have been alone together since the day she was born. She does not do well at all sleeping any where else but Home. Her comfort zone..is with me at home..and with me anywhere else we go.
When I am home with her..there truly is no time alone. I recently just got my job so I now have Monday off during the week and saturday and sunday off...so one would think that I would have time to myself. NO!! because again..never a babysitter anywhere around for the weekend..and then on Monday when she goes to daycare..that is the day I schedule appointment if needed for myself or her..grocery shopping pay bills cleaning house and doing laundry.
So see, YOU are truly NOT alone with this circumstance. Finding time alone is so very hard. I can not even emphasize enough how important it is to have alone time as a parent. Even if it is just for a couple hours a week. It is very much needed. How? Is the question I ask myself everyday. Maybe you and I can continue speaking to each other on here. And brainstorm work together to come up with some ideas. I do have one for you right now, The question I have for you is, do you have a youth center around. Or any thing that is a facility that help single parents? Please get back to me. I know I just wrote you a novel LMAO But I really think we could benefit each other. I hope we get to chat sooner than later. God Bless and take care.
What I did when my daughter was your child's age and not having money for childcare was go to playgroups. They are in most towns (at least where I am in Canada) and free. Your child gets to run around and socialize with other kids and you get a little time to chat with other moms. Unfortunately, I didn't really build friendships from this, as I mentioned above, most moms grew up with each other. But it provided a little relief, got me out of the house and my mind off of the losses I was dealing with at the time.
Another thing I did was to approach another single mom I knew in town who's daughter played with mine in playgroups before and arranged taking turns for play dates with our daughter's one summer. She would take my daughter one morning, and I would take hers the next. It was free and provided a small break - a little 'me' time.
I truly get how isolated you're feeling. And it's easy to say "go make some new friends" but a whole other thing to try and accomplish as it's just not always that easy. But still try though. Maybe start in ways comfortable for you (i.e. like someone above suggested, a park? I've chatted with moms there too and sometimes just that can help you to feel better and that you're not alone.)
If you need someone to chat with, feel free to message me.
Take care.