Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
My daughter was living with her dad for the last two years. I took a trip back home to see my parents and brought the whole family. Several times she spoke of not going back to her dad's. She brought up issues of her step mother invading her privacy, a couple of altercations that involved violent "discipline", how her step siblings get away with some really evil deeds and she gets punished for just about everything. She was very much against going back to his house when we returned home. I allowed her to stay with me a few extra days. She came back to visit me a few days later and told me she was not going back to her dad's, she didn't care if she had to sleep on the couch and keep her stuff in laundry baskets. He called and told me if I didn't have her back at this specific time on this specific day that I could come get her stuff. I let it ride, figuring he was being his usual unreasonable jerk self and that she'd be ready to head home when what ever was irritating her wore off. Well, it went down ugly and she's back with me. He gave his usual tirade and threats. He's a control freak and tends to be abusive verbally, mentally, and emotionally which is why I divorced him. He claims I can't create a "structured" household and that I "let her run the streets". (she's at her friend's house a few blocks away, and she's required to check in and be in the house at curfew...) any way, I get the feeling something really awful was going on at her dad's, something much deeper than the stories she has shared. She exhibits some behaviors that really concern me. I know she needs counseling but she said no way would she go back. For now I've just let her know I'm here for her, and that I won't judge her... and we are working on building trust. Is there a way to get her to open up? Every time I ask her why she doesn't want to go back, she just says "I don't like him."
I engage her in something she likes and then let the conversation start on its own.
I find that if I sit on the porch and read a book later on at night, she will come out and sit with me. If I give her enough time to start talking on her own she will start talking.
Make a point of having alone time with her and eventually she will open up. You can share your own stories with her; almost like you are confiding in her (make it age appropriate however). She will get the idea that it's okay to open up to you.
Continue to be her soft spot to land. She obviously feels "at home" with you. I wouldn't push her to return to dad, especially if he's abusive. That in itself is a valid reason.