sorry I didn't see this yesterday!!

How did it go?? How did you hold up??

well, it didnt go well, but he did prove and confirm to me that he is selfish, immature, and incapable of having full adult conversations and taking the time neccessary to discuss the welfare of the child to be born. all he cares about is himself, money, his career in the navy, and such things. dont care im sick.. i mentioned a will, he didnt have any two sense to put in on the baby, all he talked about was himself, and the navy, and how hard this is on him, and how i didnt understand.
once he was done talking, he left, saying he didnt have time.
i even offered him, to meet once a week or so... just to talk... forget what happened in the past... and try to build from there, that he do his life, i do my life, and we work on things.....
he wouldnt even hear it, just kept saying there was nothing more he could do, and he didnt want anything to do with the baby, cause what was he going to do with a kid?
he isnt even willing to negotiate or explore options, or even do one session of counseling, i asked him to do one with me... if he didnt like it or feel comfortable, then i wouldnt ask again....
he is so wrapped up in his world... to give two shits about me, and the baby. his problems are so much greater he thinks... because his command makes fun of him...
screw the fact this baby will scar my body for life, screw the fact im sick... screw the fact i have no where to live... he has been living on the boat, and thinks that is worse than couch jumping.... ooh.. poor baby. screw the fact that i will be a single mother....
fine. if thats how he wants it, fine. there is nothing i can do.
thanks.... sorry had to vent..

Im so sorry! But youll do fine without him hun. Maybe even better. But I do hope that he at some point will realise what hes missing out on and come around. At least be a part of his childs life even if you two might not be together.
Do you have a relative you can live with while you find a place?

no hun... right now i sleep on my step parents couch... kinda of a dysfunction when it comes to family....
if he will abandon us to this, now, when we need him.... he refuses to be or get attatched to the baby idea, wont listen to a heart beat, wont look at pictures of the ultrasounds... doesnt even want to know when i find out if it is a boy or girl... and he will be out to sea when the baby is born... so the baby will be about 3 months old if he ever even see's it. easier for him to disassociate.... he uses the navy to hide, as an excuse.
and this idiot of a Sperm donor thinks that he can claim it as a dependant and get more money and not have to pay me child support, and claim it on taxes, and not have to do any of the work because he is in the navy... pfffttttt... and he dont want to meet the kid?
no, i want him to sign rights over, as soon as i am done with college in a couple years... i will take the CS through college but i dont want to deal with him for the next 18 years, he is abandoning us... i can find another father for my kid...
or i can be both mom and dad... he doesnt get to just step in when he feels like its convienient, he had the chance, we planned this baby together, he made a promise to me... and he broke it, and left me with this... no, he does not get any more chances. he will live with what he has done... he will lay in his bed and rot...
ive offered as much as i can... only to get it shoved over in my face again... why should i, and or my child, have to continue to suffer in his absence, in his abandoning of his responsibilities...
if you buy a car, you cant just not make payments till you feel you are ready to again... there are consequences...
you DONT willingly and openly DECIDE to make a baby, and then come back later when you are ready.... there are consequences as well... someday, he will know what he did to me... what he put me through... he does not deserve us in his life... he refuses to even try... he cares more about himself, and he is an immature liar... and someday, if ever, when this boy becomes a man... he will have to live with what he did. and i hope he has other kids... and he will always know what he missed out on here, what he kicked into the dust... he lost a woman that loved him, and was willing to STICK BY him, and work with him... and he left me because i was sick and needed his help.... no, he does not get to play father when he wants... not to this child... i cant keep letting myself get hurt...
i cant even hope... because it is a false hope... there is no gold at the end of this rainbow... only more rain.
ive opened my heart and soul and thoughts to him... let him be a part of my innermost struggles... let him read my journals... my fears... my hopes and dreams... and he threw them back in my face... but, i was willing to forgive... he left me, abandoned me, and i was willing to forgive and work towards a future.... he HIT me with a car... and i was willing to forgive.. go to counseling together.
i was willing to say i was sorry, i was willing to be a team...
he would rather buy new tires for his car. NEVER once, did he tell me his feelings had changed, NEVER once did he actually talk to me, civilly, with rational problem solvers and comprimises that could benefit us both... if you are going to be angry with someone, and confront them... instead of calling them names, you better have thought of solutions and comprimises first. i never knew what was coming, though he claimed i should have known.
if i did i wouldnt have gotten pregnant. i never wanted to be a single mom... he LIED.
he should have never told me that he would marry me, looked at me that way and called me by his last name (which was stupid, i would have kept my own, who wants to be named mcdonald?)
he should have never told me he wanted a baby with me... we argued... he wanted 4, i wanted 1-2.....
LIES.
no, this child is mine. mine by birth... mine by blood and tears, mine by the 9 months it will spend inside me. mine by love.
he is no man, and he will be no father. he is but a boy. and i am no video game or toy.... you cannot put me on pause and come back when you are ready...

sorry, kinda went off on a rant there didnt i???

and you are so right on with your thinking hon!!

rant away...!

I'm sorry you are going through this alone. No soon to be momma should be doing it alone.....the only one that can change his thinking is him..unfortunately, sometimes it is too little too late.....

but you are for sure on the right track hon...

I think that is the hardest part... being alone, all these hormones, i want so bad to be touched, someone to rub my belly, hold me, give me a backrub and tell me they love me. but i have to hide my emotions and my sadness, so that i can get on with everyday life.
someday.....

you need to tell his commanding officer what he is doing. don't let him get off easy. With him in the military he is going to get the crap end of the stick when it comes to all that. If he refuses to support the two of you he will get thrown in the brig AND still have to pay and jeopardize his future with the military. Military doesn't joke around with that stuff.
As long as he doesn't have the child social security number he can't put the baby on his taxes so don't worry about that. If he tries you can get him for tax fraud.
Don't just let him off the hook by signing away his rights. That seems to me what he is going for.

I notified his command, right when he backed into me with his car.
they were real helpful throughout the miscarriage, and i didnt know what to do so i called them for advice.... talked to the commanders wife, she said for me to file a police report and that she would do her part. right now there is nothing they can do, cause we werent married,
he tries to say that i trapped him... they know better, this is our second child we created together, the first one didnt make it. and i had red crossed him when i miscarried. so his command is fully aware of the situation.
in talking to him the other day, he mentioned that he wasnt going to get too much extra from the navy for having a dependant....
HA! where the hell does he get off thinking that he will be able to claim this child as a dependant??? he thinks the navy is going to give him like 100-200 dollars a month and that is all i will get.
HA! and HA! again. he wont even get that extra... why? cause he will NOT have full custody, i will. the support will come out of his check. his PERSONAL check.
when i am done with college, then i will let him sign rights over...
but not initially, initially i will take everything i can get to help.. after that, i dont care. and by then it wont matter or bother him, it will just be another bill. who knows. i just dont want to deal with him for the next 18 years. i dont want to have to go through it. or my kid to.

Yeah how did it go with your ex. By the way my ex did that to me when I was pregnant with our second baby when he found out I was excepting again. Don't let him upset you its not good for you or the baby you are carrying.

This baby is ither going to be mentally messed up,
or have the strength of an army.... with all i am going through.
im sure baby is fine, in there, bouncing around on my bladder.
its just difficult, cause i wanted the "US" so bad, the family,
that has been very hard to get over. i wanted to share a special time together with the baby growing.
so now its just me and this baby.

:::: CHEERS ::::::