Hi everyone,

I went to court yesterday for the first time in front of a judge (only one other time for paperwork) that was actually sometimes mean toward me with his comments and seemingly more empathetic with the father - a spoiled man with his house and car bought and paid for, so no payments, uses their gas card and the list goes on. His girlfriend has made my 10 yr old daughter and my life as hard as she could over the past few years...and he didn't want to contribute to child care and so on. I basically felt I had to grovel to the judge to get just a little additional help. It was awful and I really feel the blow from it all today. I wish I could go back and tell the judge what's really going on with the father and that he's manipulating the system, lying to him about where all his income is coming from and more, but I choked up and sat there nearly in tears. I felt so alone and so misunderstood.

The father was so manipulative and had his social worker (court worker) sister with him that knows the system, and his eyes went beet red when he was asked by the judge to pick our daughter up in the morning vs end of day for visits that fall on holidays, PA days etc., so I can work (bc he doesn't want to contribute to childcare either), yet neither him or his girlfriend work. And the fact that he wasn't willing to spend one extra hour with his daughter was a non issue (unbelievable to me). It ended with me getting a tiny bit extra to help with childcare (only bc she had 35 sick days - gets colds etc easier bc of asthma, and 11 no school bus days- snow days) and him picking her up in the morning, which I'm thankful for. But I feel really awful today, like it was a real blow.

I thought the judge would be more empathetic vs rude at times toward me and my situation. I have worked really hard to take care of my daughter on my own since her birth, with no support from friends and family (a handful of family losses a few years ago and people I know life far, which I didn't mention). The father was complaining about having to drive 15 extra minutes for one of the drop offs (which the judge supported) which is unbelievable to me  as I've been the one busting my ass to care for our daughter through lots of sickness and health for 10 years, which seems to count for nothing at all. He acts like the victim, with a two person household, not having to work (other than working the system) and parents that give him whatever he wants and needs. I wished I had of spoken up more in court and given a clearer picture to the judge about what's really been going on but I let him manipulate most of the time there, and just didn't speak up enough at all, which is unlike me.

I feel very alone with my situation as a single mom and with my court experience, and don't really have anyone to talk to about it at the moment, and am having a rough day. I feel awful and can't even quite put my finger on why I feel so sad, alone and isolated with my situation. I feel paralyzed from this court experience.