Single Parenting Support Group

Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.

1,370 Members

1,847 Posts

0 Online

GZUSthug 02/26/2008

OK, SO I'M PRETTY MUCH A WEEKEND DAD, AND LATELY MY 4 YEAR OLD BOY HAS GONE WILD.

HE IS NO LONGER LISTENING TO ADULTS, OR HIS PARENTS FOR THAT MATTER, AND HE TALKS BACK, AND DOES WHAT HE WANTS TO DO, AND NOT WHAT IS ASKED OF HIM.

I HAVE BEEN ON THE SIDELINES, AND FAIRLY PASSIVE WHEN I HAVE NOTICED THE WARNING SIGNS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE BAD GUY WHEN I GOT TO SEE HIM FOR SUCH A SHORT TIME(WAS 10 HOURS A WEEK), BUT NOW THAT I'M GETTING TO SEE HIM MORE AND GETTING ALONG WITH HIS MOM, I'M READY TO GET IN THE GAME AND 'LAY DOWN THE LAW'.

I WAS SPANKED GROWING UP, AND AM NOW VERY APPRECIATIVE TO MY DAD(ALTHOUGH HE'S DECEICED) THAT I WAS, SO THAT'S WHAT I KNOW.

WHAT ARE SOME LOVING DADDY OR MOMMY 'TRICKS OF THE TRADE' THAT HAVE WORKED FOR YOU WHEN YOUR CHILDREN WERE YOUNG?

deleted_user 02/26/2008

Being a paretn definately is'nt easy. I raised 4 kids on my own. Kids misbehave for a lot of reasons, at 4, your son is no longer a baby, but not a big kid yet, maybe he is testing the grounds to see how much "big kid" behaviour he can get away with. kind of like a practise run. When my children used to start getting a lil out of hand I would kneel down so that I was at the same level as them and speak to them, asking why they felt they had to behave like this and if they think that it is right for them to behave like this. It worked sometimes, but don't forget, kids will be kids and in this day and age when you can't give your child a smack for misbehaving it makes it a lot harder for parents to discipline children. Hope this helps a little.

xjanedoe 02/26/2008

Time outs work well for me, now I just need to start counting to 3 and my daughter KNOWS I mean business. You have to follow through though, every time. You can't threaten and then not go through with it.

I wouldn't recommend spanking, but that is just my opinion.

deleted_user 02/26/2008

come up with some rules and fitting punishments with his mother and both stick to them that way your son wont try and get away with things as much try putting the rule list up so he can see it and see that you refer to it, even if he cant read it he will know that bit of paper means business! also you can say its the rule sheet saying he has to have that punishment and he will kinda blame the sheet not you!! sounds crazy but i did this to get my 4 into a bedtime routine lol

GZUSthug 02/29/2008

THANKS FOR THE ADVISE. IT WORKED FAIRLY WELL FOR THE FIRST TRIAL RUN. THE 1-2-3 GOT IMMIDATE RESULTS, AND THE TIME OUT FOR A BIT WORKED WELL, AND ALLOWED ME TO KEEP MY COOL TOO...OOH, AND THE TAKING HIS VIDEO GAMES AWAY FOR BAD BEHAVIOR WORKED GREAT TOO.
THANKS AGAIN.

deleted_user 03/14/2008

Stick to your guns on the discipline and I was told FOLLOW THROUGH which I did not always do. I feared being the bad parent and their Dad did even see them 2 hours a week. But I was blessed and I have 3 great kids. I have a TEEN ager now and by Gods grace have not had any incidents like some of the teenage horror stories I have heard. Don't be afraid of being the bad guy. Kids demand that parents be in control even though they don't know it or show it. Blessings and Good Luck!

deleted_user 03/29/2008

I have equal and joint custody of my two (6 and 8). The kids alternate 2-weeks off, 2-weeks on between stbx and I. There is a good book out there called 1-2-3 Magic. Some of the principles/tactics within it have worked well for my kids - most of the time. And better so, for the youngest. I wish I'd found the book sooner for my son. :-)

In some ways, I imagine you'll need an assortment of tactics/strategies on which to rely.

I have spanked the oldest (perhaps a total of two times) several years ago, but I've not done it since then. I became determined at that time to find alternate strategies to deal with unacceptable behaviour.

Check your local library or bookstore for that book. I'm sure there are others out there as well.

I know there are differences between you and I and the time our kids spend with us, but at least in my case, I'm chosen not to get sucked into playing only the fun dad. I believe kids need a regimen in their lives. They need to know their boundaries. Make the investment early in their lives and you're more likely to reap the rewards later on.

Oh, on occasion, I've been called the "meanest dad in the world". Such statements sting, especially the first few times. However, I know all is okay, when the kids still, at some point in the night crawl into bed to cuddle with dad, or are all kisses and hugs in the morning. That helps me to be determined to teach them manners and appropriate behaviour. I'm pretty sure the stbx is doing the same. So the kids are not benefiting from a game that some parents might play to win favour with their children.

Just some of my thoughts.

deleted_user 03/29/2008

Also anthoer good book I highly recommend is "Parenting with Love & Logic" give your child the choice but give them choices you can live with. My daughter is 3.5 an issue I have had that I can use as an example is that she wont put on her winter coat. I tell her "you can choose to put it on yourself or I will put it on for you" and usually she does it herself I then tell her "good choice" and yes 123 and time outs work too

deleted_user 03/29/2008

It's hard to lay down the law when you only see him on weekends.

Join the Conversation