Single Dads Support Group
This community is dedicated to fathers who are going through the parenting process alone or without the support of a spouse. Single parenthood is often opted for by the parent (as in divorce, adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate motherhood, or extramarital pregnancy), or an unforeseeable occurrence (as in the death of one parent or abandonment by one parent).
I and my ex-girlfriend were in a long distance relationship with her living in Chicago and me in Miami, we were together for a little over a year. Back in April, my ex-girlfriend called me and told me that she miscarried. I asked her how she knew that and she said that she cramped up and excreted what appeared to be a placenta (not sure what it was TBH.) This was the first time she told me she was pregnant but I gave her my condolences and that I was here for her and loved her. She said that wasn't true and I was never there for her.
I asked her why she said these things and she said we were growing apart. This was the first time I ever heard her say this and had a good relationship up to that point. She finally said she wanted to "think" about staying together with me. She hung up and broke up with me over the phone the next day. I was shocked by this and initially didn't believe it.
I wrote her a total of three letters asking her to not leave me in a time of need like this but she never replied back. She instead deleted me from her social media sites. We haven't spoken since. I want to have a better understanding of what happened.
I asked her why she said these things and she said we were growing apart. This was the first time I ever heard her say this and had a good relationship up to that point. She finally said she wanted to "think" about staying together with me. She hung up and broke up with me over the phone the next day. I was shocked by this and initially didn't believe it.
I wrote her a total of three letters asking her to not leave me in a time of need like this but she never replied back. She instead deleted me from her social media sites. We haven't spoken since. I want to have a better understanding of what happened.
For whatever reason that is, is ok and I am glad to respond. Now, related to her not responding to you, it is blatantly clear.
A. You were in a long distance relationship.
B. She got pregnant so you believed, and she then miscarried. Is hardly my business but as a fellow single father, if ever were to be in an intimate relationship with someone I was involved with, having an unplanned pregnancy with someone I had a long distance relationship would be the last thing on my mind if ever I was to be in a long distance relationship in the first place..
Odds are (and we don't have all the facts); if you're a single father and this was your first stance into a relationship other than your child's mother, then you might have been rebounding and what you should be doing as a current single father is remain single for a while and be a FATHER to your child(ren).
There are plenty of times for relationships with women but you don't need to complicate your life nor the life of your child(ren) plus the life of the woman you're casually dating with an unplanned pregnancy.
Be smart, be strong for your child(ren) and yourself and respect the women you date even if you're in love and planning to be together forever, if comes to an intimate relationship, prior to having something unplanned, protect yourself and the woman as well, have a discussion about it at some time (after you're in love and can see things progressing to long term marriage/family blending, etc.
Another case in point, a while back I was dating a woman who was about fifteen years younger than me, never married and no kids. When we started getting serious other than just dinner, etc. I asked her point blank what she was after and when she told me the picket fence, family, etc. I told her that I had already been down that road and hadn't plans for more children. We ended as friends and was the best. As much as I ached for her, what I learned was my own aching for myself. She's now married and has a baby on the way and couldn't be happier for her but is she happy? that I haven't a clue nor is concerning to me.
What I know is I felt incomplete and needed what I thought was another woman in my life. What I needed was a solid (positive) relationship with our kids' mother and a good relationship with my children and myself.
Focus on your kids (assuming you're a single father). Someday you'll have the relationship you deserve. Good luck.