Why does it seem like everyone in a relationship is involuntarily throwing that shit in my face. Or maybe that's how I'm calling out my jealousy. I want that. I want to care about someone so much that I lose my one of my two true loves- sleep- over them. I want to feel bittersweet. I want to argue with someone and then make up after. I want to feel those relationship questions of "I don't know what to do". I want to be someone's last thought at night and I want to be someone's arguing partner. I want to be that person that when they are trying to fall asleep, they can't do it until they call me at 1 A.M. And then I want to be mad when they call me, but happy at the thought that counts. I know it sounds crazy, but I want that ALL that comes with the relationship. My best friend has her first boyfriend and he's really sweet to her. He's liked her for 2 years and she finally gave in. They are so cute together, and I'm so happy for her. My Uncle and Aunt are celebrating their anniversary. My mom even has her twisted, fucked up in the head, lover. I'm happy that they're happy, because I'm a selfless person. People come to me with their emotions and their relationship problems, crush questions, love life, etc, and I want to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, so that's not a problem. But I'm tired of being the no-experience life counselor. I've always been the wallflower. I've always been Charlie of "Perks of Being a Wallflower". He stands in the background and observe (I love to observe and try to read other people. They usually prove me right, but sometimes, I'm surprised.), and people come to me with their problems, and I usually keep mine to myself. I'm often overlooked, or so that's how it feels. Maybe it's because I'm on my period right now, or the usual over-thinking, but I sometimes feel lonely. And don't get me wrong, I have friends and a best friend of 6 years. We talk about everything, but sometimes you just want that intimacy. And I've never had a boyfriend. My brother has had SEVERAL and he's 4 years younger than me. (He's 13.) Maybe I'm crazy or asking for too much. But I had to finally write (or type) this somewhere. Anybody feel the same?