Hmm, not so much at the moment because I don't think I will hear much from where my brother is right now. I have been there plenty of times though :(

A little trick that I have learned over the last year: if I find myself obsessing about my brother, I use it as a reminder to bring the focus back to me. If my mind starts to go down that road, I say to myself "Stop", and I bring the focus back to me by asking myself how am I feeling right now? What can I do to make myself feel better here? What would help me? Ringing and talking to someone? Going for a walk? Reading something inspirational? Writing things out? What about my life? If I can't do anything about his life, what do I think I could do to make my life better? Maybe try some relaxation techniques? Some meditation stuff? Even just burn a pretty-smelling candle? It has helped me a lot. I have been obsessing for so many years and it has been a relief to have some tools to slow the obsessing thoughts at last.

The only way these awful thoughts end is if we stop them. Our siblings make their decisions, they are on their journey, we are on our own journey. I know it is easy to say but worrying and obsessing about them isn't going to change the outcome- at least it hasn't in my case. I have spent a lot of time worrying about him and it hasn't changed anything. It is sad enough that their lives are in hell because of their drug use, but we have to do what we can to stop our lives from turning to hell because of it as well.

You need to look after you. I am guessing that being in this state of worry and obsession at the moment isn't doing you or your health any favours. Try to focus instead on healing yourself. We are damaged too and have wounds that need to heal- we can't heal their wounds but we can try to heal our own. It is time to look after you. Take care.

Thank you for your reply. I will give your suggestions a try and you are very right that my obsessing is not doing any favours for my health. This week was a hard one at work. I let my thoughts get the best of me. Your reply has made me cry. I am definitely in this to help myself and to heal me.

And your story and reply brings tears to my eyes, I can relate. I have been in that place, where what was happening with my brother has affected my work, especially my attitude to work and tolerance level. It is such hard stuff and my heart goes out to you.

Give it a try and see if it helps- bringing the focus back to you, keep reminding yourself as often as you need or as often as you can that you deserve to heal. Be nice to you, do some stuff that makes you feel good, watch something that makes you smile or laugh. I for one think that distraction is highly under-rated. Take care :)

Unfortunately our family just had that happen this past New Years Eve. You can see my previous posts on this board about the details of my brothers death.

I can say that over the many years of his addiction, he had so many family members worried sick about him. He also used this to his advantage being the master manipulator he was, he liked to threaten to "take off and you'll be lucky if you ever see me again"...leaving many of us to feel extreme guilt, sadness, worry, etc.

I know for me that coming to terms with his addiction meant realizing he was choosing his addiction (all the yucky stuff that came along with it) over any relationship he had. This included me (his sister), his other siblings, previous wives and his children.

Leaf has fantastic ideas as well - great tools to get you back to where you need to be and that is focusing on your own well being.

You see, now that my brother has passed, no one has all these worries about him anymore. However, he left a wake of destruction in his path. Much like a hurricane or tornado had gone through the family. Many of us are trying to heal and helping pick up those that just seemed to be blind sided by the events. I have found myself having to take all that strength that I used dealing with him and his addiction to be supportive to his daughter who lost her dad and my sister who seems to be especially angry over this whole thing.

Leaf is right - you can't change the outcome...no matter what you do. But, choosing to not focus on your well being will end up hurting you very much. The addict doesn't realize or care how much you are hurting right now...I know that 's hard to hear and believe...but its true. They are selfishly just worried about themselves and their next high.

Hang in there. I have found great support at this site and especially this group. What you are feeling is completely normal...just know that there are many others out there who have either been in your shoes, or are currently in your shoes. Take care of yourself!

Yes I can relate. Sometimes before I go to bed I worry that I may wake up and not have a sister anymore. Sometimes I think about how I will feel if i do get that phone call. Every time my mom calls me at work, i immediately think the worst. What will I do? How will i react? Its very stressful and time consuming because it puts me in a bad mood every time i think about it. It makes me angry that someone elses choices can directly impact my life so much.

I'm trying to focus like Leaf said and My brother said on myself and the positive things I have in my life instead of always dwelling on what somebody else is choosing to do with their life. It's such a hard process and i never realized how much addiction not only affects the users but the those involved in their life.