That's a question close to me too. I lost my brother as well. I stopped believing in good, or fairness, or 'another lesson' in life...blah, blah, blah. There is nothing that can make sense of your loss.
I think the final moments are ones you need to create. Because YOU are still here, it is you who decides which 'story' to make.
I came to this one. I don't believe in God. I believe in connections with others and some synchronicity.
I've decided that since we are a creation from the earth, then it is only natural that we go back to it again. The earth can be seen as a womb of sorts. I believe that over my brothers grave flowers are blooming and that the earth is healthy and the grass continues to grow. It may sound hokey, but somehow it's helped me not just see a stone...a marker...the marker is the way natural continues to thrive above him.

I hope you come to a story that helps you. And I hope that it brings you a sense of calm someday.
I'll be thinking of you. And I am so very sorry.
x Marni

Thank you very much for reaching out to me.

dear...p-lease let me know how you are.My boyfriend Brad committed suicide on 5/22/09 and it was alcohol and meth...I found his body and wonder what his last thoughts were...but I am trying to live one day at a time and life is for the living.i am living at the house with the cats and i will start my xmas job again.I will be thinking about you...as for Brad...he loved birds and the other day...a blue jay came to the feeder and it was a t iny blue jay and i am so sorry about your loss and remember this...time does heal...it will take time.I am going thru trauma now but I am getting better and my cats are everything to me.

Sometimes the only thing that brings me some peace is knowing that David doesn't have to "fight" life anymore. He just never could get caught up financially, always seemed to bring in the wrong type of friends that would take advantage of him ,he had such a hug heart. He loved life and his family, but he also loved his drugs and in the end, that was what he spent his last moments doing. I want him here. I can;t accept the fact that he is gone.

I can't help you with the acceptance part...I can't accept my own brother's death...but I will point out the beauty of something you wrote, 'The only thing that brings me some peace...'

I hope you can continue to find other ways of feeling at peace. That word is so meaningful, and you wrote it.
It's a beginning of sorts.
x

I lost my brother in march 06. Havng lost both my parents too, makes this time of year really hard. That last Christmas John wanted it to be at my house. I had no idea why, but he was determined. After I lost him, and dad I lost any kind of religous backgroud I had. I live everyday wondering why I was spared but he wasn't. he was so strong for me. Both he and mom knew they were fighting for their lives. My question.....how do you face each day knowing it is going to end. They were brave, but they both also believed in God. Rght now am not sure about anything. My best friend is a Buddhist but I don't buy if you chant you can make what you want appear. But I can't believe we have a God who would know how much I am hurting or anyone for that matter and not help. I am totally lost, I feel like don't belong anywhere. know this is all over the place but so am I. I mss my bud....John.

Sharon,
I wondered the same thing when my brother was killed on his motorcycle in July-I was told he had no time to feel pain, it was instant,,,it does not make it easier,he is still gone -no matter what-I too have such overwhelming sadness-
I relive that night at least once daily...I do not know why-the shock is gone-and now i truly think the grief is setting in-some days it is awful, others I do get through...my heart hurts,I miss him, he was my go to person,,,but I also realize-I need that pain to keep going, you do too- I tried to just think I could get through it- but when I do that,it only makes it so much harder-let yourself feel the pain-and don't dwell on his last moments-it does not help,dwell on the times you had together and know that he is ok-I am sure of it...Take care of yourself..I am here if you need to talk...Hugs! Josie

I lost my only brother last year and I miss him so much I dont see how anyone gets thru this pain I try to be strong in front of my kids but when their in bed I cry all night.. I just wish I could of said goodbye but he was taken from us way to soon........

i live 3 and a half hours away from my parents and I lost my only sibling my brother last memorial day. I get anxiety attacks thinking about losing my parents and what I am going to have to do when one or the other goes.... Neither one of them want to move here to be near me they want me to go be with them and I am so torn. Anyone ever go through this?

Jackssister, I have lost both parents and my only bro died two wks ago. Seems he had cancer and nobody told me he was sick...I think I'll have trouble getting over that part for a long time. True we didint get along well but he was still my brother. You get over family deaths because you have to. You can't live the rest of your life feeling sad and depressed, they would not want you to feel that way, surely you know that! Of course it's hard but time marches on and somehow you come to terms with being the last one standing, something I am working on doing. You grieve however you feel best for yourself and you move on. That's not meant to sound cruel or uncaring, but it's how it works. Take the time you need when it happens and get help if you need it.

I struggle with the same. I found my brother 10.14.16 in my home. I went to wake him up and I knew once i turned the light on. Its the worse feeling. I pray he didnt feel pain. I hope he just fell asleep. This is just so hard..