to Jacks sister..My name is vader and i am the founder of the group and let me say this..Losing a brother is very very hard and it will be 6 years that I lost Frank.Frank was my best friend and he would talk to me about sports.Frank loved sports and he loved the Yankees ,so naturally I am a fan of baseball.It was one year ago today that I found my Brad.My partner of 12 years killed himself last May and it was a trauma.Brad was a very controlling person and he wanted immediate attention.when Frank died in August of 2004...he didnt want me to go.But I told him this,.."Excuse me..I went for your fathers funeral and I paid for the car.But Frank is my brother and I am going whether you like it or not." ANd I went.Seeing Frank s wake made me realize how special he was.I live in seattle since 1995 and I couldnt go home all the time.Before i met Brad..I would go home every 3 months.I had an elderly mother and Frank was sick so I had to do this.This one of the reasons why I cant find a job now...but I am sorry Frank came first.so did my mother.I waited until i was 47 to begin my career.i had a wonderful father and mother and I felt it was my duty to help them out in their old age.My father only lived 3 years after his retirement and since I have been 50...I have been doing the things that I always wanted to do.I have travelled.I have been to Elvis Presleys Graceland twice.It is a beautful house and I am glad to be a fan.i have been to Chicago five times and spent 2 weeks there.but I cant relocate to Chicago...too cold.Seattle is just right to me.Frank always wanted to go to Chicago and I have.I have done things that I set out to do since I was 8 and it took me a great deal to do it.I am Italian and Italians love family..but I was always close.Closeness has made m e realize this.you have to make due with your circumstances.In 2000...Brad went back east with me.We travelled by car.It took us a week and we finally came through.Frank saw my Brad and he knew that Brad was an alcoholic.Just before he died in 2004..Frank said to me...."vader...please leave Brad.He is not good for you and you will get hurt." This conversation took place on July 18th,2004.Two weeks later,..Frankwas
dead and I asked him this in 2004...."Frank...what will happen to me if anything happens to you" Frank thought for one minute and said this"Vader...YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT ME.AND AS A FAVOR TO ME
SING...AND LEAVE BRAD WHEN YOU CAN...HE WILL NEVER CHANGE AND HE IS BAD NEWS."This was the last thing my beloved brother told me and in two weeks he was dead at 68 and my world has collapsed but i founded this and the feelings when you lose a brother is different.When you lost a brother...you lose part of yourself.My brother was my soul mate.We had good times together and I will never forget him.This depression from losing Brad is different from the one that I have for Frank.Frank was my brother.And when my father died...Frank made the ultimate sacfricie.He left a good paying job in Florida and moved back home and took care of my mother who was very difficult and drunk all the time.No husband can understand the pain of losing a brother.No life partner such as Brad understood it either.Tell your husband that you need to see your brother.Even if is only 1 week out of the year..take the husband and children with you.Plan a summer vacation.Have a picnic.And go to a ball game.He is your brother and brothers at time in life need the sole support of their sisters and husbands have to understand this.See your brother when you can.Take the boys.I am sure that they will enjoy the trip.I need a vacation also..but I cant afford it.take care.vader and the cats.

You are in a rough spot. Let me tell you my story. I was in the hospital 18 months when my dad died(mom died in 2000), John had come out from TN to help dad thru his illness. He stayed until I was released from the hospital(7 weeks) I moved to TN to be near him. I was relearning how to walk, I had ahole in my throat where I had had a trach. Johns wife(better known as the hefer)and I got in a huge argument which I called John in her presence to tell him(so she couldn't say I did it behind her back). She told me I'd never see John again. I didn't think she could do it cuz we were so close. But John was losing his battle wih melanoma. Like my mom all he did was sleep and the cancer had spread a great deal to his brain. I saw him 3 days before he died(the hefer allowed me 10 minutes wit him. She banned me from the viewing, the funreal, and all the things he had that belonged to mom or dad. I was going to go to the funreal(she had told the funreal home to call the police if I showed up. I almost did go, was she gonna have me, his only sister, who had to walk with a walker and had a hole in her throat arrested in front of everyone? I decided not to go because it wasn't the time or place. I go thru life now without my big bubbie to help me thru life. Like you I wasn't with John when he took his last breath. I live with the fact my dad and John died with 11 months of each other and I am still alive. John had 2 kids to bring up. Me? I wish everyday it had been me. John was liked by everyone who knew him. Keep your brother in your heart. Think of the good times, those times that make you smile. And keep the love you shared in your heart. And always remember he loved you, and you him. No one can ever change that.