So, in my AICE GEN class, we've been working on a project, where we had this poster, we drew and wrote stuff on it. When we were about done, we just turned it in; but there was a catch, I had to present. I'm a person with no friends which means I don't get to talk much with other people, which makes up much of my shyness. So, today was presentation day, every time, I present, I sometimes memorize lines to say during the presentation; WITHOUT MY notice, my WHOLE GROUP, decided to go 3RD, I didn't want to go THIRD, I wanted to go on Monday, so I could be more prepared. I wasn't prepared because I had like 4 quizzes/tests that I had to study for. They stood up and went to the present, I wasn't ready, my heart felt like it was going to explode. I held up the poster, and my legs were shaking, everyone did good, then it was MY turn, I worried, made LOTS of mistakes, stuttered, shook, paused many MANY times, and said um. . . which gets me points deducted, I went back to my seat and I just wanted to cry, I held back my tears for the whole day. Kinda started crying during lunch, went to the bathroom and washed my face. I couldn't stop crying.
The bad thing about this is that my WHOLE group didn't even inform me that we were going to present. It's like they just forgot I was there, they didn't even ask for my opinion; which proved my point of me being invisible once again.
Hi everyone. It feels so quiet in my head and I feel so lonely. I am to shy to go out and make friends.
I obsess on whatever I have said to anyone all day long. My only relief is sleep which of course is difficult because I am ruminating on whatever I did earlier. It is driving me nuts and even suicidal.