Shopping Addiction Support Group

Oniomania (also known as shopping addiction), is the compulsive desire to shop. Similar to other compulsive behaviors, sufferers often experience the highs and lows associated with addiction. The purchase generates a mood of satisfaction, gives their life meaning, and lets them forget about their sorrows.

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/ Shopping Addiction Support Group

She's BROKE what do I do?

nemesis6
nemesis6
Hi, I'm new on here and it's my mother that has a bad shopping addiction for about the past 30 yrs. my brother has been giving her money when the chips are down, little does he know she just goes out and spends it and incurs more debt.
Listen, iv tried everything, but she won't listen to reason and doesn't want to hear that she's 350 overdrawn and she's a pensioner who only gets 200 a week. But the bills go out, and food for the week. And then she has a shopping binge and we're right back where she started.
And she sits at the table and cries "I get 800 a month, but I don't have any money to show for it".
She's openly told me that she doesn't care about money or being overdrawn. Even when I begged her not to go to Tesco and spend near 100 she said she didn't care, and she was going to spend money no matter what.
So, here's the kicker, Christmas is coming... And what happens at Christmas? She spends way more than she can afford period. And there's no reasoning with her.
But if she keeps spending Iike this, she's not gonna have any bloody money to spend! And Christmas will be cancelled and I will have to be the one to tell her that.
So I'm at my wits end, and I need someone to help me out here and give me some proper advice, before the bank is fining her every week for being over her overdraft.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Isnt Tesco a grocery store?

Maybe she needs mental health care if she simply cannot stop and doesnt see anything wrong with not having money. Most of the people that post here are aware that they have a problem.

Cancelling Christmas isn't the worst thing that can happen to her.
nemesis6
nemesis6
It is a grocery store, but she will go in for five things and come out with 20 knowing that she can't afford it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Shopping is an addiction. And it is usually connected to some past hurt, or disappointments, that requires the willingness and openness to deal with. She is "overcompensating" for her spending. Being loved and supported through it is so important b/c w/o that we tend to get more depressed which perpetuates the spending behavior, as it is our coping skill. Try reduction and boundaries with her....I went from department stores and malls to discount stores down to consignment and thrift shops using cash only with a given budget. It helps a LOT but I still have the urge to spend daily! The main thing for me... (and I'm a therapist) is that I need outside accountability from someone who I don't take things so personally from. My husband, my family, I love them too much. I need to hear the hard stuff from someone I am allowed to get MAD at! You could START with asking her to come with you and your brother to family therapy. Then the therapist will help identify the problems and work together with your family to set BOUNDARIES.

ALSO- GO BUY THE BOOK BOUNDARIES for yourself and your brother, so that you can know how to work with your mom through this. #LIFECHANGER!! :) Best of luck friend. Glad you care so much. My dad was a secret spender and I feel I become him more than I like to admit, but I'm working on it!
nemesis6
nemesis6
ok, just wanna thank you all for your replies, and just to say that I agree seeing a therapist would be best, but she doesnt see that she has a problem at all. So theres not gonna be any therapist.
And Iv had enough of this family making me feel small and insignificant. So i wonder if they'd like to trade places with me and deal with someone who's now 400 overdrawn!
which i woulld like to point out that they know nothing about that. If they did, they'd be screaming at her.
And im sorry but i havent got enough patience for them ridiculing me and her spending like theres no tomorrow.

and just a final note about christmas, it would be the end of the world if christmas was cancelled bcz in a few weeks i guess-timate that she will be on the verge of her overdraft limit, and when that happens, there'll be no way to pay it back. and this will all occur right when christmas shopping is due.
and when christmas comes she goes mad! she promises to only spend 20 on each child, but she'll do that and then keep buying things.
But my family being nasty and ungrateful just bcz ignorance is bliss isnt helping!