Shopping Addiction Support Group
Oniomania (also known as shopping addiction), is the compulsive desire to shop. Similar to other compulsive behaviors, sufferers often experience the highs and lows associated with addiction. The purchase generates a mood of satisfaction, gives their life meaning, and lets them forget about their sorrows.
Hi everyone. So, my shopping addiction started probably a year ago. I received a lot of extra money and I spent it frivolously on jewelry and clothes. After that I stopped for a while because my mom found out and I was afraid I would destroy my credit or overdraw because I had already spent about $1000 alone. After that I received more payments of about $1000 and each time I spent them on things like money or clothes. I've overdrawn on my bank account about 5 times already. My mom has saved me each time. I owe her thousands of dollars. I feel so awful because I know I am trying to fill a void within myself. I think my overspending is due to a lack of self-esteem and self-worth. I have begun treatment for depression (which my mother is paying for) and I think it is really beginning to help me. I can now see that what I am doing is toxic and I want to make a change. The problem is that I owe a little over $1,000 to Bill Me Later/PayPal credit and I haven't yet told my mom. I'm terrified of what she will say. She has already paid $200 to my overdrawn bank account. I have hidden this amount from her because I am very afraid of what she will do. She would never hurt me or anything but I know that she will be absolutely furious with me. She also has been talking about a lot of other bills that she has to pay off and I do not know what she will do when she finds out. She has told me before that I need serious help. I am aware that I have a problem and that I need help. I know it would be better for me to just tell her the truth because she is going to find out anyway. Last week she linked her credit line with mine and my sister's. That means she can see all the payments that we make and that we send. There is no way I would be able to pay off the $1,000 without her knowing about it. I am also nervous because there were a few items that I ordered last week and they will be coming in soon. Once she sees them she is going to be livid with me. I seem to keep on making mistakes and I don't know what to do. What's worse is that my dad has absolutely no idea that all of this is going on and if he ever found out he would most definitely cause a scene. He's already had a long discussion with me about previously overdrawing on my bank account and warned me that if it ever happened again I would be in a lot of trouble. I have so much stress on me to figure out the problem, but I don't know what to do. I know that my mom makes the most money and that if I told her she might be able to help pay if off, but I also feel such guilt because it is all my fault. I know that my shopping addiction stems from my need to feel good. Buying things helps fill the void of loneliness and makes me feel happy for an instant- almost like a high. I shop for so many reasons. I shop when I'm bored, lonely, or sad. My depression only feeds the problem because it makes me feel like I'm worthless. I'm glad that I'm finally getting help but also terrified of what my mom is going to say to me once she finds out about the hidden debt. I feel so guilty but I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I think all of you are so brave for sharing your stories and knowing that you need help. Now it's my turn I guess.
caramel71delite
Alyssa2014, you are in good company here. My addiction started some years ago. I don't even remember how. I just know that I had too much time on my hands, and there was too much stress and depression in my life. Nevertheless, I started spending, just like you, but I was shopping before work, leaving work to shop, and then shopping after I got off work. I realized my crisis when I had to file bankruptcy, and I had to make ends meet somehow. That in itself, was enough to make me think about what I was doing. And, I stopped, well, I cut back...way back. You are on the right road. Ask for help, and receive it. Your mom and dad will justifiably be upset, but at least, you will be getting the help, and you will have their support. The thing is, if you plan to beat this thing, you have to have a change in mindset. You have to think differently, and act differently. This will come about when you are doing better with your depression and low self-esteem. I certainly hope that you were able to get the help that you need.
Alyssa2014
Thank you so much for replying. It has been two years since I've first written this post, and I'm happy to say that shortly after I went to therapy for my depression and now feel much better about myself and my life. I am slowly but surely growing and changing into the person that I want to be. Sometimes I still get the urge to spend money on clothes or jewelry that I don't need, but I am lucky that I have parents who allow me to spend occasionally as long as it's not harmful or excessive. I will say though that my mom refuses to allow me my own personal credit card to this day because she is afraid that I will relapse. She still holds the debt over my head and makes snide remarks about my past spending abuse. However, I accept the criticism because I know that I have come a long way since then and that's all that matters. I am so much happier now that I am free of my shopping addiction and most importantly that I got help because without it I would probably still be in this situation. Once again thank you for your advice, support, and comforting words. This was a difficult experience for me that is still somewhat painful to remember. I am glad it didn't turn out much worse. And for all of you out there going through the same thing, God knows your pain. Hang in there, it may feel like it, but it's not the end.
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