i've felt pretty lonely the past few months and had some rough times around my birthday (end of march). i turned 26 and thus lost all of my insurance that i'd previously maintained under my parents. my car, which was 25yrs old to begin with, finally gave out after being impounded and having to take time off from work to deal with all that. Before that, my radiator hose blew on the way to work one morning...My boss was extremely unhappy with me taking the time off to deal with these things even though i had no other choice. She tore me a new one the day after in a very fun closed-door meeting.
Basically i feel like all i'm doing week after week is working my butt off at a high-stress job, running errands after work and sometimes on my lunch break, and then coming home and trying to figure out dinner for my boyfriend and i. weekends are the only time i have to clean the house, do laundry, and take care of the yard. don't know where a social life fits in there. i've been trying for over a month to hang out with a good friend from high school and have had to reschedule 4 times now...it's embarrassing and she probably thinks i'm awful. i feel pretty awful
so when i'm laying in bed after a long day, too tired to move and just scrolling on my phone, its comforting to just browse through lularoe consultants' albums, or look at stuff on amazon, sephora, whatever it may be. i just dont wanna think about the mile-long To-Do List i've already got going in my head for the next day. What bills are due, what plants really need to be pruned outside, need to drop off the vacuum at my mom's house, need to do laundry, what should i make for dinner tomorrow... i'm forever grateful that my boyfriend and i have finally reached some big goals that we've worked very hard for for a long time, but good lord sometimes my head just goes in circles trying to maintain everything.
And it's really easy to just have a little box waiting on my doorstep to cheer me up a bit when i walk up to the front door.
We alcoholics have superhuman will power. After a convincing that my life would never equate to its full potential if I alone was the source of the will it took to power it through, I saw a need for rest, or atleast, a period to contemplate wrong doings and ask if there was another way. That other way turned out to be third step work, where I turn it COMPLETELY over to a God that wants to be...
Since I was young I had a love for alcohol like no one else. I drink every night till I past out, my liver is dying I am dying. Alcohol is so good SO Good God what happened to me???