Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

3,544 Members
16,257 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Sexual Abuse Support Group

world crashing down

loralp
loralp
i have just resently been remembering and ( trying to) deal with what my dad did to me as well as what my 1st husband did to me as well as to our daughter. so i decided to talk with my youngest daughter about what, if anything, she remembered or felt about her dad. she then told me ' i have never said anything about this to anyone and im not sure if its a dream or really happened...." it seems her Grandpa, my father, asked her to come into his room one night when i was at work and he had a porn movie on, and asked her to ' come hold his penis while he went pee pee'. she started to but then felt uncomfortable and left the room.As she is telling me this my chest hurt and i couldnt breathe. she was telling me my my own story. for the last 24 hours i feel like i cant breathe. until right now i could not say, or even type, the words. i feel like my world has completely crashed around me. i was willing to put the past behind me with my own strange, screwed up thinking, but this.........how do i deal with knowing that not only her dad molest her but also her Grandfather whom we all adored?????? i feel like i need to talk with my neice and find out if her did anything to her. i mean he did to me, my sister, my daughter, what if......i honestly dont know if i would survive knowing her did anything to her as well. im having enough trouble surviving what i already know! how do i accept that my amazing, loving, admired, father was a full fledged pedodfile?????help please! i need words to help me through this. how do i survive this?????
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
You survive it one moment at a time.

Breathe, hun. Breathe. Deep and slow.
You don't HAVE to accept it all at once.
Have you eaten any food? Have you slept? Have you showered? Have you cried?

I promise you, one day things will be better.
loralp
loralp
im forcing some food down, and getting slightly inebriated for the 1st time in.....forever. which i usually dont due to major painkillers for chronic pain, so i know to be careful. the one thing im not it suicidal. my Girls have been through waaayy to much for me to do that. the breathing.....like you said, one breath at a time. i just spoke to my brother and told him to speak to his daughter. not my place, plus if i talked to her i dont know if what i said just a moment ago would hold true. thank you so much for your kind words and concerned. as you know i'm sure, support is what gets us through all this.
loralp
loralp
the one thing i have not done is cried. if i cry right now it will never stop. crying means it happened. i am not ready for that yet.
Ozmum62
Ozmum62
Oh wow, you have so much pain and confusion right now. Take each day as it comes, each minute sometimes. I did not start facing my childhood abuse until our daughters disclosed about abuse from their brother. It took me months to say anything to my counsellor, but she had already picked up on it. Start with getting some help for your daughters. You don't say how old they are now. The earlier you can start dealing with this the better they will be. You all need someone to talk to, and you, as the mother, have much more on your plate than anyone. Are you able to have some time to yourself when you can unleash your emotions when you're ready? Maybe in the shower, while your kids are at activities. What about a telephone counselling service to start with so you have someone there for you. For now maybe write down all the anger and hurt you are feeling, all the confusion etc and then burn it.

It will get easier and better. Look after yourself first. As my counsellor keeps telling me, I can't afford to fall apart. My kids need me. It's a tough position to be in and the best thing you can do for all of you is find someone to support you.
loralp
loralp
my girls are all grown up. the oldest, Tatianna, is 25, and the youngest, Sasha, is 23. Ozmum62, i understand what you mean about not remembering until you found out about your daughters. that is how mine resurfaced, my sister telling me something my daughter said, and about what our dad did. which, she disclosed more last night. yea.......i am lucky, i have wonderful friends and family to support me, and i am taking time to just sit and.....feel. i will have to take it one minute at a time. Thank you so much for your words. They really helped.
Ozmum62
Ozmum62
How are things going? I think you maybe got what I said a bit wrong. I always remembered that I had been sexually abused as a child but never actually sought help about it. I convinced myself that because I don't feel anything about it it couldn't have affected me that much. I am now realising that I have in fact detached myself from the abuse, like a spectator. I see myself but I'm floating on the ceiling. That's my way of handling it and it's where things are at for now. I haven't started to face any of the emotions that are there, and now I'm starting to remember other things from my childhood.

It's like peeling an onion, one layer at a time. I won't kid you, it is tough, but you do end up a stronger person for it with healthier relationships and more respect for yourself. I have only just realised in the last two months that issues I have struggled with for years and feel great shame about are in fact directly linked to my childhood abuse, which wasn't just sexual. It is such a relief to have so many things falling into place and answers that make sense, instead of just being told that I have anger management issues, am too emotional, just deal with life and get over it. There are very valid reasons why I can't just "get over it" and I am fortunate to have a wonderful counsellor working with me.

Hope you find someone to help you work through your pain.