Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Today was a horrible day. Nothing major happened no big event yet I feel like Ive just been tossed into the Pit of Despair. I honestly no longer see the need to live anymore. I cant seem to get anything right. I know that I am supposed to talk when I feel like this and not withdraw, but it all seem useless. I just want to F***ING die. I keep seeing the imagery of a hand gun with its barrel pointed at my eye. I pull the trigger, and then nothing. Glorious nothing. I wander if I could see the flash of the round going off before I die. I was so stupid the first time I thought about suicide. I had a perfect plan. It would look like a heart attack, and my wife would get the house free and clear. I could finally do something right, but I screwed that up as well. I told someone of my plan and they put me in the hospital. I got some pills and lost a week worth of pay. Instead of helping our situation I just made it worse, again. Now my plan could not work. If I suddenly died there would be suspicion about suicide, and an investigation would happen and Id be found out, and my wife would get nothing. Maybe my family would still be better of without me. They would no longer have to deal with my forgetfulness or inability to concentrate, or with me failing to get things done. How could dieing be all that bad? It would be in the best interest of so many people. Why should I live?
these are my personal things, they may be the same/similar, or completely different for you which is totally normal and to be expected, lol
i know you're going to be okay, just give yourself time.
remember, you're safe now. *hugs*
xx
"... but i realized i wanted to just wanted to drift away until everything could be okay again."
That sounds good. Maybe a nice little two year coma?
Obviously, I should suggest you talk to someone. A professional. But if you're tired of that. If you don't have anyone depending on you, or someone who would be crushed by your departure. Just do it dude. Don't talk about it. You'll go to the Father anyway. I know some say there is no forgiveness for suicide. I don't believe it.
The fact that you vented here...that you told us your feelings, tells me that there is at least some chance that you haven't quit the world. That's cool. Personally, I wouldn't do it. What you don't know or realize is how many people you impact everyday. I wonder how many people decided not to kill themselves because this nice guy came along and helped them in their moment of need. Think about it. And stop being such a narrow-minded person.
i know what you mean about feeling a certain calmness about the thought of not bothering with all the tomorrows but i had to make a conscious effort not to think like that. i don't bother with the fact that i'm probably gonna be on this planet for another 60 freakin long years, oh shit, if i thought like that?! i don't know if i could make it. i like to think of more short term goals like i want to get a job soon and i want to get enough money to travel again.
i don't know if it would help you, but if you wanted to try to bite off little pieces of your day instead of feeling super overwhelmed it might be a relief. treat yourself too, do something really nice that's just for you once a week, i do nice little things for myself and it gives me something to look forward to.
best of luck friend, you're not alone. i personally would really miss you if you stopped existing. there's one more reason not to do it.
xx