Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I told my husband about something that happened years ago. I had had surgery on my left hand. A bone graph. I had my left hand and thumb in a cast. That prevented me from wearing a bra for the first month or so. I didnt work so it wasnt a big deal.
My elderly neighbor had been diagnosed with cancer. I used to go over and play dominos with him. One day after my surgery I was taking out the trash at the same time he was. It wasnt unusual for me to hug him. That day when he hugged me, he grabbed my nipple and pinched it very hard. I backed away quickly and ran into the house. I never told anyone. I was so hurt and ashamed. I trusted him. He was like a grandfather to me. Then a week or so later, I was at the post office. As I was walking in, this man walked past me. As we passed each other, he reached out and twisted on of my nipples really hard. I rushed to get my mail and ran to my car.
I couldn't understand why two men would do that. What the hell had I done? Was it my fault for not wearing a bra? I must of done something, right? I mean I live in a very small town and the two men didn't associate, the only thing in common was me. I am one of those unfortunate women whose nipples are hard all the time, not just when Im arroused. Was that it? Was that why they did it? If only I had been able to wear a bra, it wouldnt have happened?
Was that really considered sexual assult? Was it really worth calling the police? Would they just tell me to put a bra on? I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, but was I really hurt? Would the police do anything? Really?
So that is why I didnt call.
I didnt have self esteem. I didnt have the confidence to stand up for myself. I do now. But I still regret that I didnt call the police.
My elderly neighbor had been diagnosed with cancer. I used to go over and play dominos with him. One day after my surgery I was taking out the trash at the same time he was. It wasnt unusual for me to hug him. That day when he hugged me, he grabbed my nipple and pinched it very hard. I backed away quickly and ran into the house. I never told anyone. I was so hurt and ashamed. I trusted him. He was like a grandfather to me. Then a week or so later, I was at the post office. As I was walking in, this man walked past me. As we passed each other, he reached out and twisted on of my nipples really hard. I rushed to get my mail and ran to my car.
I couldn't understand why two men would do that. What the hell had I done? Was it my fault for not wearing a bra? I must of done something, right? I mean I live in a very small town and the two men didn't associate, the only thing in common was me. I am one of those unfortunate women whose nipples are hard all the time, not just when Im arroused. Was that it? Was that why they did it? If only I had been able to wear a bra, it wouldnt have happened?
Was that really considered sexual assult? Was it really worth calling the police? Would they just tell me to put a bra on? I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, but was I really hurt? Would the police do anything? Really?
So that is why I didnt call.
I didnt have self esteem. I didnt have the confidence to stand up for myself. I do now. But I still regret that I didnt call the police.
It may have been a small town. but the only thing in common wasn't you. They both happened to think it was okay to assault an attractive young woman. That was there fault, not yours. You just happened to be there.
It's good you can finally talk about it. Don't beat yourself up over not calling the police, The young girl you were at the time, with the knowledge, life experience and confidence she had then made the best decision she could, and that's okay.
If a friend came to you and told you the same story, would you beat her up for not reporting it? If someone else wrote this post, how would you have replied? With warmth, tenderness and understanding; or criticism? Be gentle on yourself too.
I know all that now. But, I was just thinking about how I felt then. My husband is actually very supportive. It just made him angry that that had happened.
There were a few other issues as well. My first husband beat the hell outta me. I called the police once. The basically said that the could arrest him, but he would be out on bail the next day. So what was the point?
He started exposing himself to women. No one called then. I did however go see a Pastor about it and he told me that I must not be doing my wifely duties. I even went to a psyc do and he just said basically boys will be boys. Maybe he was acting out becuase we got married so young.
And finally several years after this, I went to the Salvation Army because my mom kicked me out. I was very ill. The man that usually ran the place wasn't there, but the second in command alllowed me to stay. I went to the bathroom. Oh how painful a bladder and urinary tract infection can be! All I had were the clothes on my back (work clothes) and my purse. He showed me a room with a cot in it. Well, that was all I needed. I went in and collapsed. A few minutes later this same man came in and started touching me. I was so weak I could only push at his hands. I was still dressed, so I finally forced myself up and ran out of the building without looking back.
I made my way the the ER on Fort Sill. I was shokcked when they had to use a butterfly to draw my blood. I was told that I had no red blood cells and I would be admitted immdiately. Later a man came in and asked me where I had been staying. I told him where and that I couldn't go back there. When he asked why I just told him I couldnt and that was it. What a mess!
Now that I am older and wiser it just pisses me off! lol