Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
When I started my DS involvement, I thought it was because I needed strength and support - and at the time, I guess it was and to a great degree still is.
But overtime there has been a change in me - I find now that instead of asking for help, I want, I crave, to offer hope and strength to others. I have lived through the depths of depression and self-hatred, emerging stronger and more willing to take on the oppressive nature of abuse aftereffects, not only in myself, but to the survivor community as a whole. I find great strength in offering positive energy to others. I try to stay very positive, as I am convinced that the human spirit is stronger than any physical or mental abuse that was ever conceived by man. And I see that showing through, time and again, on this and the incest survivor group site.
I don't know everything, have never thought I did - but what I do know is all vanity unless I share it, my struggles only a vain practice unless I can pass that knowledge to someone else to better their lives.
Perhaps being a gay man and having no children with which to share my knowledge is also an impetus for passing along what I have gained. It's part of my legacy perhaps. But there are worse legacies to leave behind I suppose.
Ultimately, this line of thinking has gotten me to wonder - Why are others here? Often there are groups or other survivor meetings in most areas where you can share and receive strength and support - Why here?
I think sometimes, if you really think about it, ulterior motives arise and they may be more compelling than the obvious "I need support".
I know that many come here for support and that is great - but often I read so many other members that really ask for little, but give so much. Has anyone else found strength in supporting others? Has anyone else found that helping others solve the riddles in their heads have helped YOUR puzzle pieces fall into place better?
Let me know - I am very interested in this, as when I was counseling abuse victim's, I found that getting them involved in helping others was an act that seemed to strengthen them in the long run.
So - an open question to all -
Why are you here? Why are you drawn to posting about your abuse, your struggles, your knowledge and your lives?
Awaiting your responses.
Refuse2quit
But overtime there has been a change in me - I find now that instead of asking for help, I want, I crave, to offer hope and strength to others. I have lived through the depths of depression and self-hatred, emerging stronger and more willing to take on the oppressive nature of abuse aftereffects, not only in myself, but to the survivor community as a whole. I find great strength in offering positive energy to others. I try to stay very positive, as I am convinced that the human spirit is stronger than any physical or mental abuse that was ever conceived by man. And I see that showing through, time and again, on this and the incest survivor group site.
I don't know everything, have never thought I did - but what I do know is all vanity unless I share it, my struggles only a vain practice unless I can pass that knowledge to someone else to better their lives.
Perhaps being a gay man and having no children with which to share my knowledge is also an impetus for passing along what I have gained. It's part of my legacy perhaps. But there are worse legacies to leave behind I suppose.
Ultimately, this line of thinking has gotten me to wonder - Why are others here? Often there are groups or other survivor meetings in most areas where you can share and receive strength and support - Why here?
I think sometimes, if you really think about it, ulterior motives arise and they may be more compelling than the obvious "I need support".
I know that many come here for support and that is great - but often I read so many other members that really ask for little, but give so much. Has anyone else found strength in supporting others? Has anyone else found that helping others solve the riddles in their heads have helped YOUR puzzle pieces fall into place better?
Let me know - I am very interested in this, as when I was counseling abuse victim's, I found that getting them involved in helping others was an act that seemed to strengthen them in the long run.
So - an open question to all -
Why are you here? Why are you drawn to posting about your abuse, your struggles, your knowledge and your lives?
Awaiting your responses.
Refuse2quit
"the most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." Ferdinand Foch - WWI French Army General
I also believe that helping others in turns helps us sort things out. When I was in corporate America I used to teach employees how to do their job. And once I taught them I would have them teach. There is no better way to learn than to teach. That is what we are doing here - we are teaching others that they can get to where we are today - living our lives instead of just surviving.
I have reached a point in my healing that my story has more meaning for others than it does for me. If that makes sense. I remember last year when I needed to hear every story so that I didn't feel so alone. It was a great help. And I hope I am helping others the same way I was helped.
Love the quote. It's a keeper!
Great response.
Thanks
Refuse2quit
Refuse2quit
Following that I had back surgery and about 6 months of getting back to normal - then my Mom started to enter her final battle with Multiple Myeloma to which her body succumbed in February of this year; I took the interim to help with her and Dad and to get myself into order a little.
Now am back to looking for work, hard to do at 53, but necessary. But I still will be active in DS as this is a totally different approach to working with victims - more anonymity and more openness in a way. Here I can be both the receiver of help and the helper - in a face-to-face counseling situation you are the helper only - clients rarely want to hear your needs and failures, you know? So here is a good place for me no matter what I do for money, at least I think so.
Thanks for your input again, and all my best!
Refuse2quit
I feel like until my father dies I cannot ever have a decent relationship with her. Additionally I was raped by a guy I was dating in high school...I never told anyone because I knew my dad would never believe me. So I also have that chip on my shoulder. I have my fathers temper but thankfully my mom's reason so I can usually control it, but I really cannot wait until he is dead...he's 85 and his children from his previous marriage do not usually talk to him...especially not the two half sisters I have. Anyway probably tmi but it felt good just to write it down.
You have my deepest empathy - I grew up in a family where there was a lot of anger issues and it is SO difficult to deal with such - but you did have what sounds like a wonderful mother to model yourself after. I do hope you can form a relationship with your mom in SPITE of your father. You sound like you want that a lot.
Thanks for you post - there are so many reasons that people come here, I hope venting some of that helped.
All my best,
Refuse2quit
It always feels good to have 'a pat' now and then. And I have read several of your posts where it is obvious you have been through and dealt with a lot. We all need hope and positive input from time 2 time! Hope you are doing well and that you gain as much from DS as I have - All my best!!
Refuse2quit
I WILL be ok though. 30+ years later. And while I am still dealing with my own issues, I do not feel or have the courage to post a lot unless I am really compelled to do so. After all, its been 30+ years and I still haven't dealt with my abuse so what exactly do I know?
Take care of yourself.
P.S. Refuse2quit thank you for adding this post to DS. It's been very informative. I hope you have got as much from it as I have. It's been nice to learn about you as well. Thank you for sharing.
For me, healing has come in stages over many years. I have had a few therapists over the years and 2 helped tremendously. I participated in one face to face support group that was wonderful. It was in another state and sadly where I am now there are not too many options for less formal support groups and by "too many" I mean none.
In many ways I have come such a long way but I still have more learning and growing to do. I think I also have something to offer.....even if it is only acceptance and empathy.
"...so what do I know?"
You have been such a strength to me - I know you know how to help others on their journey to healing, how to be empathetic and to relate to others and I know you have come so far since your first post which I remember vividly. In many ways I have seen you grow like a weed here - a good, welcome weed!! And you seem to have put a lot of piece back together in a short time - you may still be broken, but you have seemed to work hard on the repair!
Luckyempath:
Thank you for appreciating this post - when a question like this pops into my head and I start envisioning my answer to it, I find post it as I think that others might like to define the same for themselves. At least I hope so. As far as sharing, why not? I see myself battling ABUSE, not just mine, but abuse in general and if my story/perspective helps others, then it is worth the pain I went through to get there.
CecilBGreen-
"...if it is only acceptance and empathy." - ?
Acceptance and empathy are great gifts to offer anyone - perhaps the greatest we can offer. Had it not been for others offering me these two gifts I would never have been able to accept and love myself. Never thing that is "ONLY" all you have to offer - those is a phenomenal gift to share - if we had a majority of people that offered those simple, yet powerful gifts war, race hatred, homophobia, etc - all that would be abolished. You offer a LOT - so don't degrade you special offerings!!
All my best everyone - thanks for the comments. They reach across the spectrum of survivors and show what a diverse and wonderful group WE have formed.
Refuse2quit
I'm here because I need help.